


Unexpectable

by coreopsis



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, Kidfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-03
Updated: 2006-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:00:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coreopsis/pseuds/coreopsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a baby on the Atlantean doorstep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpectable

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to DaraQ for being an incredibly supportive alpha reader. I wrote this story, almost entirely inspired by Joe Flanigan holding a baby in 111 Gramercy Park, for her. Also thanks go to Trobadora and Pouncer for wonderful beta work, and if anything is lacking in this story it's because I didn't take their advice and not because they didn't give it.

John Sheppard awoke to the unsettling feeling of being watched. He tried not to tense up or otherwise show he was awake as he slit his eyes open. He saw a pinprick of soft golden light a few feet from his bed, and it grew until it took on a vaguely human shape.

Abandoning any pretense of still being asleep, he opened his eyes wider and sat up, throwing back the covers and swinging his legs over the side of the bed in one movement. He reached for the nine millimeter he kept on his nightstand, but a familiar voice saying his name stayed his hand.

"Teer? What the hell? How did you get here?"

The glow further coalesced into the smiling face of the woman John had known for six months in the sanctuary. Her body followed just like the Cheshire Cat. The woman who had ascended already and really shouldn't be standing in his quarters in Atlantis looking more and more solid and real. She held a bundle of snowy white cloth in her arms, and as soon as John noticed it, she offered it to him.

"When I ascended, I took a part of you with me." She took a step toward him and held it out again, serenity giving way to urgency, and John automatically held out his hands. "I was permitted to bring him to you, but I cannot linger."

"Him? You don't mean...?" John asked as he looked down at the bundle and saw a baby's face staring up at him from an opening in the fold of the blankets. There seemed to be a spark of recognition in the baby's hazy blue-greenish eyes that made him vaguely uncomfortable above and beyond the incipient freak-out over being in a situation he'd always avoided. "Oh, I guess you do. Are you sure it--he-- is...of course, you are. You're ascended. If nothing else, the paternity tests must be superior to old-fashioned DNA testing."

John shut his mouth, aware that he was starting to babble--and since when did he _babble_? Teer had begun to glow again, and now she was fading at the edges. "Wait!" John held out the baby, feeling inexplicably like a jerk as he did so. "You can't just leave him here. I can't take care of a baby. Atlantis is no place for--"

"He is yours."

"No!" John realized he'd yelled when the baby twitched in his hands, so he made an effort to lower his voice. "Okay, maybe, but I can't keep him. I can't!"

"John. You must. You must keep him and raise him. One day he will ascend and be with me again." John could barely see Teer's face in the glow, but her eyes seemed to spark with confidence. In him...to raise a baby. He couldn't even fathom it. And what the hell was she saying about ascension?

"What are you talking about? He's supposed to ascend? When? And _how_?" Perhaps reacting to the agitation in John's voice, the baby started to squirm in his inexpert yet careful grip, and he instinctively settled it in the crook of his elbow and cuddled it to his chest. "Won't you at least tell me his name?"

"You must name him. It's a father's right." And with one last smile, Teer was gone as the golden glow shrank to a pin prick and disappeared.

"But I don't have the right to say no? That sucks." John wanted to believe he was dreaming, that he'd wake up and none of this would have happened. Yep, just a common anxiety dream that all men had--well, the straight or bisexual ones anyway. He suspected that the universal fear of an old girlfriend showing up on your doorstep with a kid who looked just like you was not one that plagued the strictly gay men. Those lucky bastards were probably sleeping soundly in their beds right now.

Unfortunately, the cool floor beneath his bare feet and the warm baby in his arms were far too realistic to be a dream. And then there was the niggling certainty in the back of his mind that this was in fact his child. He'd take him straight to Beckett for a check-up and testing as a matter of course, but it would only be to reassure everyone else. There was a deep recognition inside him that matched what he thought he saw in the baby's eyes. Maybe it was the gene, maybe it was something that happened to all fathers, but the connection was already there and no matter how much he might want to deny it, he couldn't.

The baby made a sound that pulled him out of his reverie, not a full-out cry but a tiny mew. John pulled the blanket back to bare more of the baby's face. It-- _he_ \--smacked his little pink lips and turned his head toward John's chest. "Sorry, you won't get any milk here, little guy."

At the sound of John's voice, the baby opened his eyes again and stared up at John, that spark of recognition growing stronger. But after a moment of staring wide eyed at each other, the baby decided he'd had enough. His face crumpled up as he started crying in earnest. All the lights in the room came on.

"Well. That's...that's interesting. Oh, no. No, no, don't cry, baby. We really need to give you a name, don't we?" John had no idea what to do, so he just kept talking in the quiet calming voice usually associated with talking suicidal people off window ledges. "Don't cry, okay? We'll--ah, we'll call Dr. Beckett. He should know what to do, right?" John found himself pausing as if waiting for the baby to answer, then he took a deep breath and pulled himself together.

Still clutching the baby to his chest with one arm, he grabbed his radio off the desk and called Beckett.

"Yes, this is Beckett, what's your emergency," Beckett yawned and then, in a less sleepy voice, said, "Colonel, is that a baby crying?"

"Yes, it is. That's my emergency. It just showed up in my quarters and I'm bringing it-- _him_ \--to the infirmary. Can you meet me there as soon as possible?"

"Of course, Colonel. Shall I call Dr. Weir as well? Sounds like you have your hands full."

"Yeah, do that. Sheppard out." John started for the door, but then realized he probably shouldn't show up in the infirmary in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. He carefully laid the baby in the middle of his bed and grabbed his pants off the back of the chair. He pulled them on quickly and scooped up the baby again before he could cry even louder. There was obviously nothing wrong with the kid's lungs.

John murmured more pleas for the baby to stop crying as he left his quarters and trotted down the corridor, hoping he could get into the transporter before anyone else heard the baby. He'd almost made it when he met a Marine on patrol.

"Colonel Sheppard. Is that a baby, sir?"

"Yes, Sergeant Wilson, it is a baby. Very observant of you." John hurried into the transporter, then hurried out again. "Say nothing about this to anyone. As you were." Then he returned to the transporter and hit the spot nearest the infirmary with his elbow.

Stepping out of the transporter, he rocked the baby gently as he walked into the infirmary. Beckett smiled and the nurse beside him sighed. John shoved the baby into Beckett's arms and said, "Do something!"

"Calm down, Colonel Sheppard." Beckett laid the baby on the examining table and started to unwrap him from the blankets. "Let's just see what we have here."

Out of the blankets, the baby looked even smaller than before. He was dressed in a soft white gown that came past his feet, and when Beckett lifted the bottom of the gown, he revealed tiny bare feet and legs, and a surprisingly ordinary-looking cloth diaper with ties where John vaguely thought safety pins should be. He realized he'd been afraid of what was going to be under the gown, but he had no idea what exactly he'd been afraid of--fins, flippers, cloven hooves, what?

Beckett listened to the baby's heart and lungs, looked in his eyes, ears, and mouth, then ran his fingertips lightly over the baby's body and checked inside his diaper.

"Is he all right, doc?" John asked when the waiting got to be too much for him.

"He seems quite healthy from my preliminary examination, but we'll draw some blood and do a few tests just to make sure. We're not really equipped to deal with infants beyond your basic inoculations, but I think we can make do." He nodded to the nurse who stepped in with a syringe.

John turned away before she started to draw blood, so he was facing the doorway when Elizabeth came in, accompanied by Teyla and Rodney. He glanced over at Beckett. "I thought you were calling Dr. Weir."

"I didn't know the situation, so I didn't know whose expertise might be needed," Beckett said with a distracted frown not even looking up from the baby.

Of course, Rodney was an expert on many things, so it only made sense to include him. It wasn't that John didn't want him here--he was bound to find out eventually anyway--but John wasn't looking forward to what Rodney would have to say. Although John had never gone into detail about his time in the Sanctuary and Rodney had never asked, even after they got together, it remained a strangely sore point between them. Apparently, Rodney didn't need to know the details to intuit there was something he should be upset about.

"What have you done now?" Rodney asked, craning his head to see what was going on at the examining table then looked John up and down. "Why are you barefoot?"

"John," Elizabeth interrupted firmly. "Dr. Beckett said something about a baby?"

"Do you remember Teer from the Sanctuary planet?" When both Elizabeth and Teyla nodded and Rodney stared at him as if he was both stupid and annoying, John continued. "She appeared in my quarters with a baby. She said it's mine and I believe her."

"But didn't she ascend with the rest of her people?" Teyla asked, all thoughtful concern.

"Yes, and I guess she could descend long enough to give me the baby and then she was gone again. She said I'm supposed to raise him so that he can ascend himself one day."

"How do you know it's yours?" Rodney's face had gone curiously blank and his next words sounded forced and rote. "And do you have to sleep with every ascended or nearly ascended woman you come in contact with?"

"It might have been only a couple of hours for you, but I was there for six months. It's not like she was a one-night stand I met in a bar." John glanced over his shoulder to check on the baby but all he could see was Beckett's back and the nurse coming back with some supplies in her hands. He turned back to meet Rodney's gaze. "I know, okay? I just know."

The baby had been steadily making noise the whole time they were talking, but went quiet then. John moved back to Beckett's side. "What's going on?"

"The wee lad was hungry, so we're giving him some sugar water to tide him over until we can get some proper milk." Beckett motioned to Teyla. "There are a few Athosian women with infants who would be capable of nursing him. Would you be willing to fly over to the mainland and find someone to help?"

"Of course," Teyla nodded and headed for the door.

John opened his mouth to volunteer to fly the jumper, but one look from Elizabeth had him shutting it again. Instead he tapped his radio and called the pilot on duty. "Sergeant Wilson, this is Colonel Sheppard. Report to the jumper bay and fly Teyla to the mainland."

He barely waited for Wilson's confirmation before reaching out one finger to touch the baby's hand. Tiny fingers immediately wrapped around his, and he thought he heard a sniffle from someone in the room.

Beckett smiled at him and wrapped the blankets around the baby with one hand while he used a medicine dropper to drip some water into the baby's mouth. "Go on then, Colonel. You can pick him up. I'm afraid little drips of water won't be very satisfying for him when what he really wants is warm milk from his mum's-- from his mum. Having his father's heartbeat next to his ear might help comfort him."

John settled the baby against his chest, and took the refilled dropper from Beckett. The baby's face crumpled a bit in frustration as he tried to suck at the end of the tube, but he didn't cry again and John would have sworn the tiny body relaxed against him.

"What are we going to do? Neither Atlantis nor the expedition is equipped to raise a baby." Elizabeth reached out to touch the wisps of black hair on the top of the baby's head and smiled. "He does look like you, John. What's his name?"

"He doesn't have one," John admitted a little sheepishly, even though it wasn't exactly his fault.

"You're just going to keep calling him 'baby'? Yeah, that won't give him a complex at all," Rodney snorted, and John was almost relieved that he sounded like his usual self again.

"Sorry, Rodney, I've been a little preoccupied in the whole _twenty minutes_ since he got here." John refilled the dropper from the beaker of sugar water Carson held out for him, and went back to dribbling it into the baby's mouth.

"I'm just saying." Rodney peeked at the baby and a weird look that John was too tired and freaked out to decipher passed over his face. "You could call him Rodn--"

"No."

"But--"

"No." John looked at the baby intently, but no name magically revealed itself as the perfect one. "We'll figure out something," he assured the baby, who closed his eyes as if giving up on John already. John sighed and looked up to find Elizabeth and Carson staring at him with similar looks of surprise and amusement. Confusion reigned supreme on Rodney's face.

"You're not really going to keep it, are you?" Rodney crossed his arms and looked a bit worried.

"Him. And yeah, I don't have much choice, since he is my s- son." John manfully ignored how such a tiny yet significant word could trip him up. "I don't have to wait for the blood tests. I already told you, I know."

"John." Elizabeth stepped closer, almost moving between him and Rodney but not quite. "You have to think of what is best for both the baby and for you."

"And for Atlantis?"

The expression on Elizabeth's face said more than words ever could.

"We'll figure out something." John had a feeling he was repeating himself too much, but discovering fatherhood at three in the morning didn't do much for his ability to think quickly, which was unlike him in a way, but then this wasn't exactly a threat or a typical military situation.

Wetness from the dropper seeping through his shirt made John remember what he was doing, but when he tried to put it in the baby's mouth, he closed his lips and turned his head away. John looked up at Carson. "What do I do now?"

"You might want to burp him and then just let him sleep." At John's wide-eyed stare, Carson shook his head. "Put him up on your shoulder--mind his neck, you've got to support his head--and then _gently_ rub or pat his back."

John did exactly as he was told and when the baby let out a little watery burp, he grinned with unexpected satisfaction. Then lost it again when half the water the baby had swallowed came back up and soaked his shoulder.

The nurse brought him a towel with a sympathetic smile. "Just wait until he does it with a belly full of milk."

John shared a disgusted look with Rodney and said nothing. What could he say? This was apparently his life now, and he had a lot to learn. He knew next to nothing about raising a child, and if he managed to do it without completely messing up both the baby and himself, it would be a miracle.

***

After Beckett had done a full set of scans and pronounced the baby an exceptionally healthy eight and half pound bundle of joy, John found himself out in the corridor with the expectation that he'd take care of the baby. Apparently the fact that he knew nothing about infants made no difference to Beckett or the nurse. Elizabeth and Rodney just shrugged at him and started on their way, as if washing their hands of the whole situation until a more reasonable time of the morning.

"Rodney," John said, letting a hint of the desperation he felt through. "You're not going to just leave me here, are you? Huh, buddy?"

"Oh, all right." Rodney rolled his eyes and went into a room down the corridor, then came back with an empty storage crate and some extra blankets. "He needs a place to sleep."

Carrying it all to John's quarters, Rodney complained about doing the heavy lifting until John offered to let him carry the baby instead, and then he switched gears and asked about the name.

"I've been thinking about it," said John, as he strolled along the corridor next to Rodney. "It's a big decision."

"You should name him after a famous scientist or, considering where we are, an astronaut or a great explorer."

"I'm not naming him Rodney."

"I wasn't going to suggest it again." John smiled at how indignant Rodney sounded. "No, I meant give him a name to live up to."

John had been expected to live up to a lot himself, and that was one thing he'd never hang on a kid. Growing up never being quite good enough for your name? That was no way to raise a son-- and, wow, didn't that word come a lot easier now?

John looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in his arms, tilted his head and looked at him again. "Brandon."

"Where did that come from? You think he just looks like a Brandon?"

John shrugged one shoulder. "It was my mother's maiden name."

"In the two years I've known you, you've never once mentioned your mother. I thought maybe you didn't have one."

"Everyone had a mother at some point, Rodney."

"And there you go not actually answering the question."

"You didn't ask one."

"So I didn't." Rodney obviously decided to let it drop. "Brandon Sheppard. I guess that's not too bad."

"Gee, glad you think so." But John softened his sarcasm with a smile. Rodney still seemed like he didn't know what to make of the situation, and it was a strange expression on him. Not bad, just unusual.

"Elizabeth is going to want me to send him to Earth, isn't she?" Rodney just looked at John for a long moment and John could practically see the agreement forming on his tongue. "You know what? Never mind. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"You'll have to talk about it sometime. Elizabeth isn't going to just set up a daycare next to the armory, and Caldwell could possibly use this as an opportunity to convince the SGC that he should have military control of Atlantis instead of you." Rodney gave no indication of his personal thoughts or feelings on the matter, which disconcerted John but pleased him as well, because he wasn't quite ready to deal with Rodney's feelings. He never had been, which was why they had never talked about Teer or what had happened in the Sanctuary or any of the other things that stood between them. They just occasionally had sex together, and even if it was more than that to John and to Rodney as well, John suspected, they didn't talk about it.

"Look, I know all that, but this has come as a shock to me, too, you know. Maybe after I've gotten a good night's sleep, it'll be--"

"So we'll pick this up in about six months, then?"

"It's not gonna be that bad," John scoffed. But Rodney was wearing his _yes, I do in fact know everything_ face, so... "Is it?"

"My sister had colic as an infant. She never seemed to sleep. Or stop crying."

"Damn it."

Rodney nodded and offered a sympathetic half smile, and John had to marvel at how restrained Rodney was being. Aside from his understandable confusion over how an ascended woman having a baby was even possible, he wasn't giving John near as much shit as John had expected. The mystery of an ascended woman giving birth had them all flummoxed, and was making him wonder if a trip to Proculus might be in order. Then again, Chaya probably wouldn't be allowed to tell him anything anyway.

"I tried to sell her to gypsies once, but I couldn't find any. Since I was only five at the time, I wasn't allowed to leave our block." Rodney maneuvered the crate through the door to John's quarters and then picked up the story again. "Of course, none of the neighbors would take her. They'd heard her ear-shattering cries. To this day, Jeannie has a scream that can peel paint. We're talking Jamie Lee Curtis in _Halloween_."

John wasn't at all surprised but felt it politic to keep that to himself, since he was counting on Rodney to help him get the baby's makeshift crib set up. Rodney set the crate by the bed and folded the blankets to make a thick pad in the bottom, then John laid Brandon down in the middle of it--on his back like Dr. Beckett had told him.

He'd had just enough time to straighten up and take a step back to say something to Rodney when the baby woke up with a snuffling cry that quickly turned into a thin little wail which made the lights brighten just a little. John picked him up and cradled him to his chest. "What's wrong now?"

"How should I know?" Rodney crossed his arms over his chest as if afraid John might shove the baby at him. "Did the lights just get brighter or am I getting a migraine?"

"Yeah, they got brighter, and you've been around more babies than I have."

"Just one! And I did mention that I was five years old at the time. I need to check on the power for this section."

"I'm an only child, so you're still one up on me. And the lights can wait."

Rodney sighed as if John had asked him to perform some impossible task. Then he snapped his fingers and pointed. "Check his diaper. Maybe he's wet...or something."

John sighed and cautiously felt around under the blankets, but the diaper seemed dry. He knew it was only a matter of time before he had to do the complex maneuver the nurse had shown him with a small towel. He was hoping that the woman Teyla was bringing back would be able to take care of these details for him, but she wasn't here yet.

"Maybe he's hungry again," Rodney suggested as he reached into his pants pocket. He pulled out the medicine dropper and held it up triumphantly. "I brought it along just in case."

"You can use that glass in the bathroom." John thought back over the list of warnings and suggestions that Beckett had given him and added, "Make sure the water isn't too cold."

Rodney looked like he was going to object, but then shrugged and went into the bathroom. John paced around the room and murmured "please stop crying" to Brandon in as soothing a voice as he could manage even as his nerves frayed even more ragged.

"Well, I guess I'll go back to bed and leave you to your familial bonding," Rodney said as he set the glass of warm water down on the desk next to where John happened to be standing, stepping into John's personal space to do so.

"Okay. Hey, thanks for helping me with the baby bed." John smiled tiredly and wished really hard that Rodney wouldn't go yet. He didn't want to be alone with the baby yet but hadn't been able to say so in the infirmary for some reason he didn't understand, and now he didn't want to say it either. If it didn't sound so crazy, he'd suspect the baby was influencing him somehow, but none of Beckett's scans had accounted for anything to indicate such a possibility.

Rodney didn't immediately step away and John had the crazy desire to lean into him--just a little, just enough to soak up some of his strength, just enough to relieve some of his own exhaustion and tension. But John didn't move. He watched Rodney from the corner of his eyes, saw the decision before Rodney said, "Did you want me to stay? I'm up and dressed anyway, so I could keep you company until Teyla gets back. If that's what you want."

What John wanted. What he really wanted was to wake up from this bizarre dream, to wake up with Rodney in his bed, no strings and free of issues. John wanted a lot of things that he would never get, and usually he didn't spend much time thinking about them. He shoved them into a little box at the back of his mind and slammed the lid shut tight. Rodney was in the box, always had been even when John had started to believe that something was happening between them, back before the Wraith attacked the city, the promotion, Katie Brown, the retrovirus incident, before Ford and his stupid plans, before six fucking months of John's life was gone.

"Yeah, stay." John glanced at Rodney and attempted a smile. "Looks like I'm not going back to sleep any time soon."

Rodney raised a hand and pulled the blanket back from Brandon's face. Tentatively touching the tip of his ear, Rodney laughed almost silently. "Elizabeth was right. He does look like you. He's even got your ears."

"Don't start," John warned, but he was secretly pleased that Rodney didn't seem mad at him for sleeping with Teer in the first place.

Rodney seemed to realize how close they were, because he stepped away and clasped his hands behind his back. He looked like a kid who'd gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar, except that he didn't try to look innocent. He also didn't try to hide his discomfort, which made John want to question him about it, but before John could say anything, Rodney did. "So I guess it's over. You and me."

"What?" John reached out and grabbed Rodney's arm as he started to turn away. "No, it's not over. Unless you hate this so much that you can't deal."

"I can deal. I can deal with anything." Rodney shook off John's hand and got up in John's personal space again. "It's not like we can do anything--you know," Rodney made a descriptive hand motion, "with a baby in the room. What else is there?"

John swallowed hard and finally opened up the box. "I could use your help and... support. It would." He swallowed again but didn't look away from Rodney's wide-eyed gaze. "It would mean a lot to me. As a friend, and ...you know." John repeated Rodney's motion with his free hand.

"Hm." Rodney shook his head. "Well, that's not at all what I expected."

"You thought I'd break up with you _now_?"

"Yes, okay, let's just drop it and move on, shall we?"

Brandon started fussing again, so John started pacing around the room, rocking the baby gently in his arms as he went. The second time he almost ran into Rodney, Rodney said, "Why don't I..." and sat down on the end of John's bed. "Look, seriously....What are you going to do about this? With him?"

"I don't know," said John softly, gazing down at his son's face. "I really don't know."

"Atlantis isn't safe for a baby. Sometimes, it's not even safe for adults."

"I know."

"There's always the mainland."

"Yeah." John nodded, but he really couldn't see pawning his kid off on the Athosians and just dropping by to visit whenever he got a chance. But since his other logical choice was Earth, the mainland didn't look so bad.

"This was bound to happen, you know. Someone getting knocked up--"

"Hey!"

"Oh, sorry, I mean accidentally impregnated. I assume it _was_ an accident."

"It certainly wasn't on my agenda."

"No, I can guess what your agenda was. And it obviously didn't involve stopping long enough to consider the lack of birth control in ren faire land." Rodney gave John a look that was part irritated, part vulnerable with a tiny bit of prurient curiosity thrown in. "Unless you carry condoms in your vest."

John tilted his head and frowned.

"I take it that's a no."

"That is definitely a no. You'd have known if I did."

"So are you sure a baby is all you got out of the encounter? Should we both be getting tested for space herpes?"

"I don't think that'll be necessary. She was a virgin, Rodney. She'd been waiting for me."

Rodney gasped and bent his head and for a moment John regretted his candor, thinking he'd upset Rodney. Then Rodney raised his head and John saw that he was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, and he regretted his candor anyway, but for different reasons than before. "She had these visions of me--"

"Oh, I'll bet she did." Rodney snickered some more. "I have those too, usually in the shower when I'm jerking off."

John just sighed and kept walking the baby back and forth from the door to his desk. When he passed by the bed, he kicked Rodney in the ankle. "Oh, sorry," he said insincerely.

"Ow, hey!" Rodney stopped laughing. After a moment, he shook his head. "I don't get you. You go around trying to charm the pants off everyone you meet, but then act completely taken aback when it works. Okay, not with Chaya, but let's keep this conversation on friendly ground, eh?"

"You're dissecting my sex life and you think it's friendly?" John had an intense desire to be somewhere else--anywhere else would do. He hated it when people tried to figure him out, partly because they were usually so off base, but Rodney... Well, Rodney was the only one who ever came close to getting it right, except for this one blind spot.

"I... I had thought so, yes. Even besides the sex, I do consider you a friend. Carson, Elizabeth, Radek, Teyla...even Ronon, a little. You people...I...yes, I consider you my friend."

John swallowed down the wisecrack that was his knee-jerk reaction to situations like this. The baby was quiet for the moment, his eyes closed in sleep, but John didn't want to risk waking him up by trying to put him in the crate just yet. John sat down on the side of the bed, which put him right behind Rodney. "Go ahead, let me have it. Tell me your grand theory."

"I don't have a theory." John snorted his disbelief of that whopper and Rodney turned his whole body to face John. "It's not a theory. Just a whole lot of questions."

"Questions about my sex life." John really didn't want to get into this right now. The truth had the terrible habit of popping out when he least expected it, and when John had made the decision to start sleeping with Rodney, he'd also decided that it was best to let the possibilities of a deeper relationship remain unspoken. He'd thought that somehow Rodney was on board with this plan, even though they'd never verbally acknowledged that there were any particularly deep feelings going on between them. John was starting to think that perhaps he'd misjudged the situation badly, playing out both sides in his own head like that. Maybe Rodney'd had no idea of John's intentions, his growing feelings, his unspoken desires. Maybe John had projected his own insecurities onto Rodney's point of view and concluded for both of them that it would never work as anything more than shallow sexual encounters whenever they both had a few spare minutes.

"You're more obsessed with your sex life than I am. Not that I am, you know, obsessed. Although I'm certainly interested in my little corner of it." Rodney frowned and shifted on the edge of the bed. "Look, all I'm saying is for a good looking guy who works the charm the way you do, you don't seem very...interested. You don't seem very interested in getting close to people."

"You think I'm good looking?" John smiled in what he hoped was a rakishly charming manner, but inside he was marveling that Rodney didn't realize that he was pretty much all of John's sex life, not just a little corner of it, and John had no words to tell him so.

"Deflection is not attractive," Rodney said repressively. "I assume I'm not the first to point out that you have pleasing features."

John bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing and possibly waking the baby. Giving Rodney the business was one of his favorite hobbies, and that should have been an early tip-off just how far gone he was.

"I notice that you ignored everything else I said in your juvenile attempt to...whatever you're attempting."

John nodded and looked away. Getting close to people led to nothing but trouble, and he should take this whole conversation as a sign that he had dodged a bullet by not letting Rodney in. Except...he kind of already had let Rodney in. Just a little bit, but it was an insidious little bit that wouldn't be going away any time soon.

"Colonel. Why..." Rodney closed his mouth and looked at John with big wide eyes.

John had lost all control of this conversation, and had no idea what Rodney was getting at, what he _wanted_ Rodney to be getting at, but his mouth opened anyway. "I only slept with her because you'd--I _thought_ you'd abandoned me. It had been six months. I thought I was going to be stuck there forever. She was. She was nice, warm and pretty. She wanted me, and I couldn't have..." You, he wanted to say. He wanted to shout it in Rodney's face, that it was all Rodney's fault somehow, but no matter how off-balance and freaked John might be, he knew that wasn't fair.

"Col-- John, we never gave up for even a second. Not for one second did we stop trying to get you back."

"I know."

"Do you really?"

"Now I do." John smiled slightly and then shook his head. "I also know that my arm is going to sleep. Could you take him for a second?"

"Me? No!" Rodney waved his hands in a gesture more commonly used for warding off vampires and then pointed at the crate emphatically. "Put it in there."

"Him, Rodney, not it." John rolled his eyes and took Rodney's hand in his free one, manipulating his arm into the correct position and then placing the baby in the crook of his elbow. He settled the baby against Rodney's chest, and then straightened his own arm out. "There. Now that wasn't so hard was it?"

Rodney looked frozen in fear or panic, but he had a good grip on Brandon, so John stood up. "I think I'll take this opportunity to go to the bathroom. Don't drop the baby."

"Uh," was all Rodney could say before John walked into the bathroom and let the door shut behind him. John leaned against the sink as the pins and needles feeling started from his wrist all the way up to his shoulder and let out a long shuddery breath. He'd been in worse situations. He could do this. He'd just keep telling himself that.

 

***

John had just stepped out of the bathroom when Teyla came over his radio telling him she was back from the mainland. He grinned at Rodney who held Brandon as if he was a bomb that might go off at any moment, and told Teyla to bring the Athosian woman to his quarters.

"The cavalry has arrived," John said.

"Please take him back, Colonel." Rodney stared up at John, his eyes wide and his forehead damp with sweat. "Take. Him. Now."

Relief was obviously making John giddy because, instead of taking the baby back, he leaned over, propped his hands on his knees, and looked from Brandon's face to Rodney's. "I think he likes you, Uncle Rodney. And you know, he's going to need a godfather in case something ever happens to me. Someone I can trust to teach him--among other things a boy needs to know-- the beauty of a perfectly timed Hail Mary."

"How...how did you get to be so evil? It happened right under my nose and I never even saw it coming."

John chuckled and took the baby from Rodney's arms He turned toward the door as it swooshed open to admit Teyla and a brown-haired woman who looked about as vaguely familiar as most of the Athosians that John didn't know by name. When Rodney shot to his feet, he bumped into John's back, but having him there felt good.

Teyla presented the woman, who John now noticed had a sling around her back and a large cloth traveling bag in each hand. "Colonel Sheppard, this is Mata. She has volunteered to help you care for your baby." She turned to Mata and smiled. "Mata, this is Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and..."

"Brandon," John said, holding out the baby so Mata could see that he was waking up and smacking his lips again.

"Oh, you've already named him, Colonel? That is a very nice name." Teyla stepped back and watched as Mata put down her bags, took the baby and, without ever baring an inch of skin to those watching, began to nurse him. "Mata has agreed to live in Atlantis for as long as you need her."

"My husband was killed just before my daughter was born," Mata volunteered, turning slightly so that John could see her own infant--easily three times bigger than Brandon--sleeping peacefully on her back. "My parents were taken by the Wraith long ago, so we are alone."

"I'm sorry," John said sincerely. He hurried over and pulled out the chair in front of his desk. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable sitting down?

"Thank you," Mata said, giving him a look that implied he was very simple. It was oddly reassuring, that look, because it was so similar to what he got from Rodney all the time. "But it would be awkward with Derra on my back."

John nodded and motioned to the bed, feeling more awkward and uncomfortable than he had in a good twenty years. An Athosian nanny had just been delivered to his one room quarters. What was he going to do with her?

Rodney was scuttling out of the room, so John gave Teyla an apologetic glance and followed. Out in the corridor, John sighed. "Okay, who will be the least upset when I kick them out of their quarters?"

Rodney looked up and down the corridor. "Well, Lorne is next door. He's required to take whatever you give him, right? But then Sergeant Campbell is across the hall. Which do you prefer?"

John thought about it briefly. "Campbell. It's a shorter walk in the middle of the night."

Rodney lifted his eyebrows. "Do I want to know?"

"I'm speaking from logic, not experience," John said, disgustedly.

Rodney glanced at his watch. "He'll be going on duty in about an hour." He walked over to the door in question and knocked loudly until it opened and Campbell stood there blinking at them. He was fully dressed except for his jacket and shoes.

"Yes?" After a dismissive glance at Rodney, he gave John all his attention. "Can I help you, sir?"

"I guess my work here is done then," Rodney said huffily and walked off toward his own quarters with a backward wave over his shoulder.

"Sorry to disturb you, Sergeant, but I'm going to need your quarters." Sometimes it was good to be the man in charge, able to give orders and know they'd be followed.

"Okay." For a second, Campbell looked like he was going to ask, but finally he just nodded. "Now, sir?"

"As soon as possible, yes. There's a list of other available quarters on the system. If you need some time off this morning to pack and move your gear, I can have someone take over your duties." John briefly thought of making Rodney do it, just for spite, but decided the whole control room team shouldn't have to suffer.

Campbell looked over his shoulder at his extremely neat quarters, then back at John. "I'll need a couple hours at most, sir."

"I'll arrange it. Thank you for your understanding, Sergeant."

"No problem, sir."

John could feel Campbell's eyes on his back as he turned and walked back into his own room. Once inside, he radioed the control room and asked the technician on duty to work a little overtime.

"We'll have you set up in a room of your own in a few hours," John said to Mata. Then he stood around feeling sort of useless for several minutes. When she wasn't looking at the baby, Mata just watched him with a vaguely amused expression. He quickly averted his gaze when she moved the baby from one breast to the other, and then he opened his laptop and pretended to be very busy doing important things. In actuality, he checked his e-mail, sent Rodney a message that consisted of nothing but exclamation marks, and played a few rounds of Minesweeper.

"Colonel Sheppard?" John slapped his laptop closed and turned to meet Mata's gaze. "I believe Brandon is full now."

Mata stood and handed the baby to John, who juggled him into burping position on his shoulder and got a palm full of squishy wet diaper. "Oh, eww."

"He needs changing too," Mata said with a restrained smile, but John got the distinct impression that inside she was laughing at him.

"I kind of thought that you'd take over now." John grabbed the cloth Mata held out to him and laid it on his shoulder before repositioning Brandon and patting his back.

"Teyla told me you'd probably try that."

"I'm not trying anything--" Brandon let out a surprisingly loud belch for such a tiny baby and John couldn't help but smile.

"I know. But Colonel, he is your son and you should care for him as much as you can."

"I have to work. Did Teyla also tell you that I'm responsible for the safety of this entire city? I have to go on offworld missions sometimes too. In fact, I have one scheduled for tomorrow. I can't take him with me."

"No, of course you can't. I will take care of him when you cannot, but when you can..."

"I don't even know how to change a diaper," John insisted, conveniently ignoring the nurse's patient lesson earlier in the infirmary.

"Teyla told me you'd say that too." Mata stood up, opened a bag, and rummaged around in it. She took out a stack of folded cloths, and motioned for John to put the baby on the bed. "I have brought supplies and I will teach you."

After laying the baby down, John frowned and wiped his wet hand on the burping towel. "You know, you are not what I expected."

Mata gave him a long penetrative look, then she seemed to reach some private conclusion about him. "I think that is probably a very good thing."

John, however, had his doubts.

 

***

Rodney found him at his desk several hours later, and John tried to pretend he hadn't been sleeping. Obviously, Rodney wasn't buying it because the first words out of his mouth were, "Sorry to wake you, Colonel."

"'s okay." John raised his arms over his head for a long luxurious stretch. His eyes closed automatically as tension flowed out of his cramped muscles, and then he gave his neck a satisfying crack. When he opened his eyes again, Rodney was staring at him with a hungry look on his face. "What did you need, Rodney?"

"Huh?" Rodney finally blinked and returned to a more normal state. "Oh, I just came by to ask if you wanted to go grab some lunch. I figured you hadn't eaten yet."

"You figured right." John looked at his laptop and thought of all the reports he needed to finish before their next offworld mission, then he shoved his chair back and stood up. He'd either get the reports done or he wouldn't, and he'd work better on a full stomach anyway. "I think I do need a break."

"Yes, you must be worn out from all that napping," said Rodney, but he smiled a little when he said it.

"I had a rather rough night if you recall."

"I was there."

"Yes." John gave Rodney a grateful look as they stepped out into the corridor together. "You were."

Rodney gave him a smug little nod. "How's the new nanny settling in?"

"She's not what I expected. She's making me do all the work--unless I'm actually at work--well, except for the part I can't," John said, with an awkward motion toward his chest. He felt aggrieved all over again that she wouldn't just take over for him. She could obviously tell he didn't know what he was doing, so taking over would be doing a great service to Brandon. And John. And possibly the whole city.

"Oh no, she expects you to be a _father_? What kind of slave driver have you been stuck with?" Rodney's sarcasm had a knife-sharp edge.

"She's not a slave driver. She's nice about it, just very...firm."

"She's also not bad looking."

"Don't start."

"And a widow."

"Do not go there."

"Why? You usually do."

"I do not. I thought we covered this last night." John scowled. He'd heard these kinds of cracks before but the venom in Rodney's voice bewildered him. Rodney hadn't sounded like that since Chaya. "I'm not fucking the nanny."

John only realized how vehement he'd sounded when a passing Marine grinned at him, but he was too agitated to feel embarrassed. "I'm not," he repeated more quietly.

"Whatever you say." Rodney walked on ahead of him into the mess hall and grabbed his tray. John took a few seconds to breathe deeply and center himself before following.

"Congratulations, Sheppard," Ronon said as soon as John and Rodney joined him at his table. "When can I see your son?"

"You like babies?" Rodney asked with visible surprise before John could respond.

"Sure. What's not to like?"

Rodney opened his mouth to give what was no doubt a comprehensive list, but John cut him off before he could get started. "I'm pretty busy the rest of the afternoon, so how about just after dinner?"

"That works." Ronon went back to eating, and John tucked into his own food. He was hungrier than he'd thought, so he didn't contribute much to the conversation. From the way Ronon and Rodney were chatting between and during bites, it was unlikely they noticed.

"You're awfully quiet over there." So okay, maybe Rodney did notice. John shrugged and kept eating. "I'd have thought you'd want to tell Ronon all about your night."

John looked at Rodney, then at Ronon, and deadpanned, "Apparently I have a baby. And an Athosian nanny."

"Yeah, I heard," Ronon laughed. "Is she pretty?"

"Yes," said Rodney, just as John said, "No."

John scowled at Rodney before turning back to Ronon. "She's not my type."

"You have a type?" Rodney asked incredulously. "I mean, beyond 'vaguely female'?"

"You just never stop, do you?" John glared and shoved a bite of potatoes in his mouth to keep from saying more, something about Rodney's jealousy perhaps.

"Apparently, neither do you," Rodney shot back, and then looked away. When he glanced back at John, he seemed sincerely apologetic. "That might have been a cheap shot."

"Might have been, yeah," Ronon said before John could.

"Sorry." Rodney grabbed his tray and stood up. "I need to get back to work anyway."

John and Ronon watched him leave and then turned back to their own lunches. After a few moments, Ronon wiped his fingers on a napkin and gave John a look positively twinkling with amusement. "He's just jealous."

"Sure. I can see how he'd want an old girlfriend to dump a baby in his lap in the middle of the night."

"It's not about the baby," said Ronon pityingly, but if anything he looked even more amused.

A bolt of something that John refused to call fear shot through him, and he took a sip of water to cover. "We're not talking about this."

"Okay. I'm done anyway. See you later." Ronon shoved his chair back and took his tray away, leaving John alone to contemplate the surprising twists his life kept taking when he least expected it.

***

Once Ronon had left his quarters, John put Brandon in his crate bed and got three steps toward the bathroom before the baby started fussing. He went back and picked Brandon up. "What's up, little man? You've had so much attention that you don't want to give it up yet? Hmmm? Is that it?"

Brandon smiled up at John and kicked his feet. John smiled too and lightly pinched the tiny sock-covered toes between his thumb and forefinger, bouncing his foot up and down. Brandon let out a sound very like a giggle, and warmth spread through John's chest. He'd never thought much about having children--an extremely vague thought of _some day_ maybe, but he'd never really considered what it would be like. He'd never imagined becoming immediately attached to a little person who hadn't even developed much in the way of personality yet. He'd never have believed the shock could fade so quickly into a feeling of, not comfort, but maybe inevitability. He'd never been a big believer in fate, either, but this was taking on a distinct feeling of having been meant to be. But John was less sure about Teer's assumption that Brandon would ascend someday. Since he had no plans to sit the kid on a mat and make him meditate all day long, it wasn't  
likely to happen any time soon. John figured he'd leave it up to Brandon and Teer, if she had any influence from wherever she was now. As long as she didn't try to take Brandon before he'd had a good long life.

"Unfortunately, I still have to pi--pee." John considered taking the baby with him for a moment, but that was a level of commitment he wasn't ready for, so he put him back in his crate. "You'll just have to deal, okay? Just for a minute or two."

Brandon shoved his fist into his mouth and started gnawing on it, appearing quite content. John went to take care of his own needs, and when he came back, Brandon was sound asleep. He breathed a sigh of relief and lay down on his bed, picking up the book he'd been reading whenever he got a chance.

Brandon's cries and all the lights coming on woke him five hours later. John sat up quickly, sending his book flying to the floor. He didn't worry about losing his place since he couldn't remember what, if anything, he'd read tonight anyway.

He changed the baby's diaper almost on autopilot, and when that didn't stop him from crying, John bundled him up and took him across the hall.

Knocking on Mata's door, John cuddled Brandon to his chest and hoped the walls to the surrounding quarters were as soundproof as he'd always assumed they were.

When the door opened, John shoved Brandon into Mata's arms. "I think he's hungry."

Mata nodded and quickly started to feed Brandon. John looked over her shoulder and saw that her own child was still asleep on the pallet they apparently shared.

"I've programmed my door to recognize you any time you need to come over, so just touch the panel when you want to put him back in his bed."

"All right." Mata turned back into her quarters and then glanced over her shoulder, her nose delicately wrinkled. "You have time for a shower if you wish."

"Thanks," John said, sincerity winning out over sarcasm at the last possible second.

As soon as he got back to his room, he stripped off his clothes and turned the water on as hot as he could stand. He washed his hair and soaped down his body, then just stood there for a while, letting the hot water relax him. After he was good and loose, he took his cock in one soap slick hand and began to lazily stroke it to hardness, not thinking of anything or anyone in particular, just enjoying the pleasure his hand provided.

Without any decision from him, the memory of Rodney sitting on his bed in the wee hours of the morning took over his thoughts. John hadn't consciously noticed that, around the time Teyla and Mata arrived, the diffuse light of the sunrise through the gauzy curtains on his windows gave Rodney a soft glow, but some part of his brain had taken meticulous note. It had also catalogued every time Rodney had touched him over the course of the day, even accidentally, and was now replaying each touch, turning him on more than anything had in a long time. He thought about Rodney's mouth and how it felt on his neck, his chest, his cock, how Rodney kissed him, how sweet hot wet enthusiastic his mouth could be when they were both so turned on they could barely get their clothes off, how amazing his cock felt in John's mouth when John finally gave up on getting them both naked and just dropped to his knees. John bit his lip and came hard against the shower wall, the water immediately washing him clean.

Shutting the water off, John stepped out and grabbed a towel to dry off with, then realized he hadn't brought any clean clothes to put on. Since he'd be going back to bed soon, he went ahead and brushed his teeth, then wrapped a towel around his waist before leaving the bathroom.

He'd just dropped his towel in preparation to stepping into his boxers when the door opened and Mata brought Brandon in. She laid the sleeping baby in his bed, then straightened up and noticed John for the first time. "Oh!"

"Uh." John jerked his boxers up over his hips and snatched up his towel, clutching it in front of him like a Victorian maiden. "Sorry."

"I...I'm sorry." Mata clapped one hand over her mouth, not hiding the pink of her cheeks at all, and headed quickly for the door. "Good night," she called over her shoulder, the words nearly strangled by her muffled laughter.

John said nothing until the door swished shut behind her and then let out his breath. "Okay. Note to self, never let that happen again. And never let McKay find out."

Rodney would have a field day over what really amounted to nothing but some mild embarrassment on John's part and apparent amusement on Mata's. Rodney would immediately jump to the conclusion that John was trying to seduce Mata, because that was what he did in Rodney's eyes. The sad truth was that it was always the women making the first moves on John, not the other way around. John had, just this one time, taken advantage of the offworld situation he'd found himself in. Like any guy who'd been abandoned by his friends would. Like any guy who really didn't want permanent attachments would.

And ever since Afghanistan--maybe even before if he was honest with himself--John definitely had not wanted attachments, and yet here he was with friends whose loss had left him utterly depressed for months, and a kid, the biggest attachment there was. Folding back the covers on his bed, John sat down and leaned over to prop his arms on the edge of the crate. Brandon was sleeping peacefully, his mouth occasionally moving in phantom suckling motions, which kind of made sense because what else could he be dreaming about? His life experiences were pretty limited at this point.

"I sure hope your mommy knew what she was doing," John whispered. He glanced around the room, halfway hoping she'd show up again and take him back. Halfway _afraid_ she'd show up again and take him back. Not quite twenty-four hours into fatherhood and he was definitely attached.

Turning away from the baby, John turned off the lights, got under the covers, and prepared for sleep. He had a feeling it was going to be at a premium for quite a while to come, so he should get it while he could.

***

The next morning John gave Mata instructions to contact Beckett, Campbell, or Lorne if she had any problems while he was offworld. He'd cleared it with the three men first, knowing that they'd be the best choices to help her or direct her to whatever help she might need. In order to be able to do his job without worrying, he had to know that everything would be taken care of back at home.

He slouched into the pre-mission briefing, still drinking his first cup of coffee. Rodney looked up at him and frowned. "You look awful."

"Thank you, Rodney, you're looking swell this morning yourself." John took a seat between Rodney and Ronon.

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Yeah, I slept. I just didn't have time to shave this morning."

"Well, that's not unusual," Rodney said and went back to whatever he'd been doing on his PDA. John sipped his coffee and waited. Finally Rodney looked up again. "You know, sleep deprivation can have the same effect as being drunk--impaired motor skills, coordination and judgment, decreased reaction time. People who don't get enough sleep are also prone to taking unnecessary risks."

"I got enough sleep. I just got it in three little chunks instead of one big one, but thanks for your concern."

"Of course I'm concerned. Your inattention could get me killed."

"And look at that, I'm touched all over again. Gosh, I might even tear up a little." John rolled his eyes and said 'good morning' to Teyla and Elizabeth as they walked into the conference room and took their places.

"John, we need to have a meeting when you get back from this mission." Elizabeth folded her hands on the table in front of her. "I've given you the time you wanted, but we have to discuss what to do about the baby."

Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla all stared at John with similar expressions of anticipation. He just shrugged. "Okay."

"Huh," said Ronon.

Rodney nodded. "I expected more too."

"I thought he'd fight it," Ronon added, thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I think we all can guess what Elizabeth is going to suggest," Rodney said, absently, almost as if he was already thinking about something else.

Teyla exchanged a look with Elizabeth that gave John the impression they'd thoroughly discussed the matter already, but then she gave John a warm smile. "You have my support, Colonel. Whatever you decide."

"Thanks." John couldn't be surprised, because this was what he'd come to expect from Teyla. He was, however, very grateful, especially so since Elizabeth didn't seem too unhappy to have opposition. Perhaps she had come to have certain expectations as well. It would have been nice if they'd included him in their discussion, of course, but since they hadn't, he'd keep his own counsel until forced to talk about it. He'd made up his mind already.

"So... anyone want to actually talk about the mission instead of my personal business?" John asked brightly, practically daring Rodney to say something else, but Rodney didn't.

The meeting was mostly a routine restatement of their objectives and plans, so it was over in just a few minutes. John walked out of the conference room and down the stairs to the gate, hooking his P90 to his vest as he went. The team assembled in front of the gate and waited for the address to dial, and a moment later started to walk toward the event horizon. Before he stepped through, John looked back over his shoulder and saw Mata standing at the top of the stairs, holding Brandon with his back against her chest so that he could see John going through the gate.

John paused and, with mixed feelings, raised one hand in a quick little wave. Then he stepped through the event horizon and out into the blazing sun of M1J-690.

Rodney glanced up from his scanner and pointed toward some ruins that might have been Ancient or might have just been really old. "The readings are faint, but at least there are no other life signs."

"Okay, let's move out. I'll take point. Ronon, you cover our six." John had barely moved ten feet when Rodney fell into step beside him. "You do understand the concept of point, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." Rodney gave John a withering look and then squared his shoulders. "I just wanted to see if you were all right. You know, focused on the job at hand."

"I am always focused on the job, McKay."

"Right. As long as some blonde little floozy isn't throwing herself at your feet."

"Well, I don't see anyone at my feet at the moment." John glanced down at the scrubby grass, as if double checking just to be certain. "You offering? Or would you rather just bitch at me about the one woman I slept with in this whole fucking galaxy? And she wasn't a blonde."

"Oh, as if that matters!"

"You're the one who brought it up." John glanced over his shoulder to make sure Teyla and Ronon were far enough back not to hear them unless Rodney really started yelling. "This attitude of yours is driving me crazy. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I don't sleep with every woman I meet. When are you going to believe me?"

"It's a little difficult to believe when the evidence shows up on our figurative doorstep," Rodney said huffily, lifting his chin to an even more arrogant angle.

"I thought we already worked this out. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell is wrong with _you_? You really want to keep it in Atlantis?"

"HIM, Rodney, not _it_. And yeah, I really do." John sighed, both angry and bewildered by this turn of events. He'd thought Rodney was okay with Brandon, but he'd apparently been dead wrong.

"Fine." Rodney snapped his mouth shut and shook his head at John. Then he fell back to walk next to Teyla. John shook his head and scanned the area while listening to Teyla and Rodney talking occasionally in a low mumble.

When they reached the structure, John insisted they take a quick survey of the outside of what was left of the building before going inside. When everyone agreed that it looked stable enough, he and Teyla went inside, taking slow careful steps, looking for booby traps and weak or unstable spots. But it seemed safe enough, so they called Rodney and Ronon inside.

Rodney walked into what had been the main room of the lab or temple or whatever this place had been, and immediately made a beeline for some panels on the far wall etched deeply with Ancient writing.

"What is that?" John asked.

"I don't know yet. I can't read much of this." Rodney took a handkerchief out of one of his vest pockets and started to brush away dust and leaf litter that had drifted in from the large section of missing roof. Then he motioned sharply with his other hand. "Teyla, could you come and give me a hand here?"

Teyla walked over and started pointing out words she knew as Rodney cleaned them off. John glanced at Ronon, who already looked bored, and said, "We should check the perimeter."

"Anything is better than this."

"Hey, Rodney, Teyla. We'll check in every ten minutes. Let us know if you find anything exciting."

Rodney gave a distracted wave and Teyla smiled. "You will be the first to know, Colonel."

John and Ronon walked in comfortable silence, trying to stick to the meager shade offered by the scattering of trees surrounding the ruins. They were both alert but not really expecting any trouble. John knew that Ronon was probably as glad as he was to be out in the fresh air, even if it was about as hot as West Texas in mid-July.

Just after they stepped over a small stream filled with tiny blue-green fish, Ronon stopped and took a long drink from his canteen. "So, you and McKay over your fight yet?"

John nearly choked on his own water. "What fight?"

Ronon gave him a look that communicated much more than what he said. "The baby."

"Oh. Well." John wasn't sure if they were over it since after every little skirmish, he thought it was resolved only to have Rodney fire another salvo when John's guard was down. It was getting messy, but not like his usual breakups. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"That's probably a no, then."

John sighed and started walking again.

At the fifth check-in, Teyla reported that they were still fine, but John decided to head on back anyway. Not that he was worried or anything. The ruins just had better shade.

They were halfway back to the ruins, when Rodney's excited voice called over the radio. "Colonel, I think we've found something."

John keyed his radio. "We're on our way."

"I think--we think--we've found directions to a ZPM."

"A ZPM?"

"Yes," Rodney nearly crowed with glee. "A ZPM!"

John took off running and Ronon followed.

***

"We have to get these back to Elizabeth for translating." Rodney removed another metal panel from an open compartment in the wall and placed it on a stack next to him. He picked up a small greyish-blue cube with rounded edges and held it up before tucking it into a vest pocket. "And this is some kind of homing beacon that I'll give to Simpson or Kusanagi to look at. I doubt it'll be useful since whatever energy source is powering it is almost depleted. Of course, it's only speculation at this point, but I believe if we'd been a month or so later, this beacon would have been dead and we wouldn't have found all this information."

"Where's the ZPM?" John asked again because, in all his excited babble, Rodney hadn't really answered.

"Weren't you listening? We won't know until Elizabeth does the translating. Teyla and I can read enough to tell that it's not here, and may not even be on this planet, but then it gets both complicated and allegorical, which is why we need Elizabeth and maybe an archeologist. Apparently, pointing to a gate address was just too easy for the Ancients. No, they had to get all," Rodney waggled his fingers in the air, "mystical."

John had to smile at the strange yet undeniable fact that Rodney could actually waggle his fingers sarcastically. That one gesture contained an entire speech about how frustrating and contrary the Ancients were.

"Okay. Are you finished up here?" John moved over for a closer look at the panels. They were thin, just a little smaller than a legal pad, and densely covered with Ancient writing, and there were at least a dozen of them. Elizabeth and whoever helped her had a lot of work ahead of them to translate all this. "Are you sure it's safe to move these?"

"Yes, there's nothing else here, and this is the last one," said Rodney, holding up a panel. "Who's going to carry the rest of them? They're heavier than they look."

Ronon glanced at John and then said, "I'll do it."

"All right then. Teyla, take point. We'll be right behind you." John waited until Teyla and Ronon were out of earshot before turning to Rodney. "You sure we're going to find a ZPM?"

"Yes. Well, reasonably. If it's even still there." Rodney took one last look around, as if to make sure they hadn't missed anything. Then he headed for the door. "Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing if there'll be someone like the Brotherhood of Fifteen waiting for us."

"That would suck."

"You're just the king of understatement, aren't you?"

John shrugged, his mind already racing with all the cool things they could do with a fully charged ZPM. He imagined Rodney's brain must be in overdrive at the possibilities.

"If this ZPM happens to be fully charged..." Rodney mused, and John grinned at him. They were on the same wavelength again. Rodney gave John a crooked smile. "I actually have a prioritized list of research that can only be done with another ZPM."

"I'm not surprised." John checked to make sure Teyla and Ronon were far ahead and then he did something he'd never done offworld. He reached out, grabbed Rodney by the front of his vest, and pulled him close enough to kiss. "Hey, can we call a ceasefire? Are we okay now?"

Just before their lips touched, Rodney sighed and it sounded like John's name. "Yes. I want to be okay."

"Me too." John pressed his mouth to Rodney's and then pulled back just enough so that he could speak. "I've been wanting to do that for the last two nights."

"You could have said something," whispered Rodney, his tongue darting between John's parted lips.

"Yeah." John kissed Rodney deeply, and then slowly pulled away. "Maybe next time I will."

"And maybe I can stop being jealous of your girlfriend."

"Ex. You're my only girlfriend now."

"Oh, ow, my side." Rodney clutched at his ribs with one hand and continued in a deadpan voice. "You should take your act on the road." John laughed and Rodney grinned at him again. "Let's go find ourselves a ZPM."

***

John followed his team through the gate to find Mata standing on the observation balcony chatting with Elizabeth. Her own child was standing next to her on wobbly legs, clutching her skirt. Again she held Brandon with his back against her chest so that he could see John. When John stopped in the middle of the gate room to look up at them, Rodney looked around and then he stopped too. He walked back to John. "What's the matter?"

Overwhelmed by everything that had happened to him in the last couple of days, John closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Nothing."

"Right, okay, yeah, you look like you just walked over your own grave for no reason at all." Rodney lifted the panel he still carried. "Well, I'm off to do some actual work."

"Elizabeth, feel like doing some translating?" Rodney called out as he headed up the stairs with John following closely behind.

"I'd be delighted," said Elizabeth as she walked over to greet them. "As soon as I'm done speaking with Colonel Sheppard."

"These panels contain directions to a ZPM. I think that's a little more important than--"

"A ZPM?" Elizabeth's eyes lit up and for just a second she seemed to forget all about John. "You found a ZPM? That's fantastic."

"Well, not an actual ZPM. Directions to finding one."

"Oh. This isn't going to be like Dagan, is it?"

Rodney sighed and glanced at John briefly. "We have no way of knowing until we get the translating done, so shouldn't you come and get started?"

Elizabeth seemed to suddenly remember she'd wanted to speak to John. "I'll be right with you, Rodney. This'll only take a few minutes. You can catch me up later."

As Rodney turned to go, John grabbed his arm and said in a low voice, "If you want to meet me for dinner, we can finish that conversation we were having."

"Which conversation?" Rodney asked, and John could see that mentally he was already off in his lab working on the panels or the transponder they'd found, so he just gave Rodney an intent look of _don't you dare make me spell it out_. "Oh, that conversation. Seven okay?"

"That'll be fine." John turned away even though he really wanted to stand there like a dork and watch Rodney walk away. Rodney had a fantastic way of walking away, especially when he was preoccupied. He was extra energetic which put a little bounce in his step which in turn did amazing things to his ass. John smiled at Elizabeth as if his thoughts were completely, _purely_ professional. "Are we meeting in your office or doing it right here?"

"My office will be fine," Elizabeth said, and started walking in that direction.

Instead of following, John reached out and took Brandon from Mata's arms. "How was your day?"

"It was wonderful. We explored the city with the help of Major Lorne." Mata smiled in a way that John had not seen before, a softer curve of her lips and a brighter twinkle in her eyes. "He's very nice and he loves children."

"Oh, he does? That's...nice." John jiggled Brandon in his arms and grinned when the baby giggled at him. "And how was this guy? He give you any trouble?"

"He was no trouble at all." Mata paused long enough for John to look up to see if something was wrong. "I think he missed you."

"How could you tell something like that?" John made a goofy face at the baby for another giggle. "He didn't cry when I went through the gate, did he?"

"No, it was just a feeling I got."

"Hm. Well, why don't I take him with me for a few minutes and you can have a break?"

"Well, it is about time for Derra's nap," Mata said and put her hand on her daughter's head. Derra's thumb was in her mouth and her eyes were half closed already. "If you're sure it's no trouble..."

"Hey, you're the one who says I should, you know, be a dad."

"Yes, but you are still working?" Mata tilted her head toward Elizabeth's office.

"Don't worry about it." John winked and sauntered off to his meeting, holding his son to one side of his P90 as if he did it every day.

As John took a seat in front of Elizabeth's desk, she sat back and crossed her hands on the desk in front of her. "Well, you certainly are settling into fatherhood rather quickly."

"I won't make a habit of bringing him to meetings, but I figured since it is about him..." John settled the baby into the crook of his elbow and wiped a bit of drool off Brandon's chin with the corner of the blanket.

"John, I'm glad that you're taking your responsibilities seriously, but I'm afraid that Atlantis is not exactly family-friendly. Not yet." Elizabeth had a good point that John couldn't deny with any persuasive arguments, but in spite of his own private doubts, he still had to fight her on this. It was a gut feeling he couldn't ignore. Brandon had to stay with John, and it irritated him that Elizabeth couldn't see that.

"I'm keeping him," John said firmly, not letting any of his feelings show. "As long as it's feasible, he's staying with me. The minute it becomes too dangerous, I'll take him to the mainland. If you and McKay can find a ZPM that gets us sustained contact with Earth through the stargate, then I'll send him there if it's absolutely necessary. But not until then."

"Well, I see you've certainly made up your mind. Do I or anyone else get a say in this?"

"If it becomes a problem, then yes. You can have your say."

"That's very generous of you, Colonel Sheppard," Elizabeth said dryly.

He'd gone from "John" to "Colonel Sheppard" in less than a minute. Not a good sign. But he was determined to keep Brandon as long as he could, so he said nothing except, "Are we done here? I'm sure you'd like to check out the stuff we brought back, right?"

"Yes, I guess we are done." Elizabeth gave him a narrow look that suggested she wasn't really finished with this, but John cleared out before she could say anything else.

***

When Mata brought Brandon to John's room after his early evening feeding, she had a folded length of rust-colored cloth in her free hand. "I made this for you, so you can have your hands free for meals and other activities when Brandon is with you," she explained, laying the baby on the bed and showing John how to arrange the sling around his shoulders and how to situate Brandon so that he was secure against John's chest. She managed to do this quickly and efficiently, not touching John any more than absolutely necessary, then stepped back to survey her handiwork. "How is that?"

After a moment, John realized he'd actually get to express an opinion and found his voice. "Uh. It's great." John gripped the baby nervously. "Are you sure he won't fall out on his head?"

"Yes, I am sure." Mata pulled John's hands away and held them still. "Lean over. Just a little. You can trust me."

John had to trust her, but that didn't make him relax any as he bent forward stiffly, his arms and hands tensing in preparation for shaking her off and grabbing the baby before he plummeted to the floor. Nothing happened. Brandon kicked his legs and made some noise, but it was his usual baby noises, not any sound of distress. "Now relax and try it when you are not stiff as a tree," Mata said with a little laugh as she released his hands.

John straightened up and then bent over again, his hands hovering inches away from Brandon just in case. When the baby seemed secure enough, he relaxed and dropped his hands to his sides. He twisted this way and that and still the baby stayed safe and sound against his chest. "Thanks, Mata. This ought to be pretty handy."

"When he's bigger, I will show you how to put him on your back." Mata took her leave with a friendly wave, and John was left in his room contemplating a future that now included a baby on his back. Of all the things that he'd been through, all the things that had happened to him both in the Pegasus galaxy and in his entire life, that casual promise might just be the one thing that finally broke him. He sat down on the side of his bed and stared at the baby staring back up at him with eyes that seemed more green than blue and way more aware than John would expect from a baby so young--although Beckett couldn't be precise about how many days or possibly weeks old he was. He looked at John with recognition, maybe even affection, and that was the scariest bit of all. Brandon was getting attached to John, and sending him away would hurt both of them, which had not really occurred to John when he had given that as an option to Elizabeth earlier in the day. He'd been thinking only of his own desire to keep his son safe, never considering how Brandon might feel about being shoved through the gate to a place as alien as Earth would be to him.

***

After leaving their quarters, John and Brandon got exactly six feet down the corridor before being stopped by two women who worked for Beckett. "Didn't I tell you he's adorable?" one of them said to the other, ignoring John completely.

"Oh, he is!" The second woman gave John a brief glance before reaching out to touch Brandon's hair and stroke her fingers over the side of his face. "What's his name, Colonel Sheppard?"

"Brandon. And we have to go now." John smiled and stepped around the women and walked a little faster toward to the mess hall.

"Bring him by the infirmary for a check up anytime," the first woman called out to his retreating back. John threw up a hand in a casual wave as he turned a corner and was able to slow down to a more normal pace.

He got to the doors of the mess hall before being stopped again. This time Major Lorne peeked inside the sling at the baby and said, "Hey, little fella. How's it going, huh? Glad to be back with daddy?"

John just stared at Lorne until he straightened and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, sir. I've got ten nieces and nephews ranging from 6 months to 12 years. I've gotten pretty comfortable with kids."

"I guess you'd have to," John said and proceeded through the door only to see Lieutenant Cadman almost knock over Dr. Biro in her haste to get to John. John held his hands up protectively in front of Brandon. "Whoa, Cadman, calm down."

"I have to see him, sir, please? I was on the mainland most of the day so I missed him when Major Lorne was giving your nanny the tour, but I've been told by no less than a dozen people how cute he is." She gave him a dazzling smile and puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

John lowered his hands to his hips and turned so she could get a good view of the baby. "There he is. He's going to sleep so don't touch him or anything."

"Awwww. He really does look like you, sir."

"That's what they keep telling me."

"If you ever need a babysitter..."

"I'll keep it in mind, Lieutenant," said John, with a note of finality in his voice. When Cadman didn't move and just kept smiling at the baby, John cleared his throat. "Lieutenant Cadman, I'd like to have my dinner now."

"Oh, yes, sorry, sir. Do you need any help?"

"You could get out of my way, but other than that, no, I'm good."

Cadman moved aside so that John could get his tray and join Rodney at a table near the open windows. He glanced back to see Cadman giving Beckett a beaming grin as he came through the door. Rodney followed John's gaze and shook his head. "You may have created a monster."

"I didn't mean to."

"You never do."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." John shook his head and started eating. Doing it with a baby strapped to his chest was awkward but he managed.

Rodney looked like he was about to explain, but then he closed his mouth and sat back and picked up his jello cup. "Except for that brief moment today," Rodney paused, swallowed a huge spoonful of red jello, and gave John a significant look, "it's been a while."

"Two weeks." John took a small bite of his macaroni surprise, and then ventured, "That's too long."

"I've gone much, much longer."

"Yeah, me too. But now we don't have to."

"That's what I was thinking." Rodney gave him a crooked little smile, then nodded at Brandon. "Do you think we can?"

John stared into Rodney's eyes and imagined stripping him out of his clothes and kissing every inch of his skin. "We can certainly try. We'll just, you know, be real quiet."

"You're always quiet," Rodney said, with what seemed like fondness and exasperation. "I don't know how you do it."

"You think you can?" John made it sound like a competition because otherwise Rodney would babble and gasp and squeak and make all kinds of racket. It was usually really hot, knowing exactly what Rodney was wanting and thinking, but it might be interesting to see if he could make it through all the things John wanted to do with him in silence.

Rodney's smile grew and he tilted his head in an unconsciously flirty manner. At least John thought it was unconscious. He kind of hoped so because that was one of the things he liked best about Rodney. All of his massive ego aside, he really had no idea how sexy he was. It was a secret that John shared with no one else.

"Yeah, I can do it." Rodney's eyes gleamed with excitement over this new challenge.

"I look forward to seeing that." John looked around to see Teyla and Ronon coming over with their trays, so he went back to eating his dinner, pausing only to ask, "How's the research going? Find that ZPM yet?"

"Yes, I just chose not to tell you about it because that would be so like me." Rodney rolled his eyes and poked his spoon at John's banana cream pie. "Are you going to eat that?"

"Yes." John knocked the spoon away with his fork and snatched a leftover bit of bread off Rodney's tray while Rodney was distracted.

Ronon laughed at them as he sat down next to John, but Teyla just shook her head. John sometimes wondered how immature Teyla thought he and Rodney acted toward each other. She couldn't know it was all just flirting in the guise of annoying each other. If either of them had pigtails, they'd be dipped in the inkwell so often they'd be permanently colored--assuming that Atlantis was anything like _Little House on the Prairie_ , which it really wasn't. Most of the time.

John had just taken his first bite of his dessert when Brandon woke up with a wail, and John could feel a small spot of warm wetness seeping through his T-shirt. With a muttered "son of a bitch", he shoved the plate over to Rodney. "I have to go change now. Enjoy the pie."

"Thanks, I will," said Rodney, digging his spoon in and gleefully shoving a bite into his mouth.

"See you later." John gave Rodney a significant look and then nodded at Teyla and Ronon.

***

After John got both Brandon and himself cleaned up, he didn't bother to put on another shirt. He sat down on the bed and laid Brandon in the middle. "Well, what do we do now? You're dry. You're not hungry. And you look wide awake."

Brandon gurgled and kicked his feet.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," John said with a sigh. "We need some toys or something."

Brandon stuck his fist in his mouth and tracked John with his eyes as John stood up.

"You are gonna be a good boy and be asleep when Rodney gets here, right?" John picked the baby up and walked over to the desk to see if there was anything he could turn into a toy, but everything seemed to be either a choking hazard or specifically designed to poke a kid's eye out. He'd never realized how dangerous simple everyday things could be. "Or I guess we could just walk around until you get sleepy."

Brandon stared up at John as if he understood every word, then tried to grab his own foot and missed, snagging his fingers in the hem of his gown instead. The white gown he'd arrived in had gotten dirty pretty early on, so now he was dressed in a gown of pale orange that Mata had brought for him. It made him look like a little pumpkin. John wondered if he could get her to make Brandon some clothes out of some of his old T-shirts. "You could be the baby in black. Sound good?"

John untangled the tiny fingers from the gown and Brandon immediately flung his hand up and grabbed both the chain of John's dog tags and several strands of chest hair. "Ow, ow, let's not do that, okay?" After loosening Brandon's grip, John rubbed at the sore spot on his chest with the tips of his fingers and then took his dog tags off. He dangled them in front of Brandon, keeping them just out of reach and then swooping them just close enough for Brandon to almost get a grip on them.

That seemed to entertain him for a few minutes, but after a while, Brandon's eyes closed, so John shoved his dog tags into his pants pocket and carefully laid the baby down in his crate. The minute John took his hands off him, Brandon started crying. "Come on," John sighed and picked him up again. "Rodney's going to be here soon and you really need to go to sleep, so we can have some...quality time. Quality alone time. Adults only. You don't want to deny me that, right? I'll be a lot less cranky if you just sleep through the night. When you get a lot older, you'll totally understand."

The cries were reaching an ear-piercing pitch. It finally occurred to John to check the diaper even though he'd just changed Brandon not long ago, and a quick change of a dirty diaper later, Brandon quieted down again. John continued walking him around the room, talking quietly, until he seemed really asleep before putting him down again.

Standing as still and quiet as possible, John waited for a couple of minutes, listening for the slightest noise that would indicate Brandon was going to wake up again, but there was nothing. He relaxed slightly and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, finishing up just as a knock sounded at the door.

John rushed to the door and opened it before Rodney could knock again. John motioned him inside and, as the door swished shut, whispered, "I just got him to sleep a few minutes ago."

Rodney started to say something, but John shook his head and then smiled as understanding lit Rodney's eyes. John raised his hands to Rodney's face and pressed a light kiss to Rodney's lips. It felt so good that he did it again, and then again until Rodney's mouth opened and he kissed John back, so fierce and hungry that he stole John's breath away.

Two weeks was too damn long from John's point of view, and now he realized that maybe it was too damn long from Rodney's point of view as well. They'd both been insanely busy and John had missed--not just getting off--but this, just the taste of Rodney's kisses, the feel of Rodney's hands on him, gripping his biceps with strength that had been surprising at first but wasn't any more. If John had learned anything about Rodney without Rodney telling it to him point blank, it was that Rodney was, in many different ways, much stronger than he thought he was. That was one of John's favorite things about him, and John got a kick out of pushing Rodney to find out just how strong he was-- to do the impossible, as Rodney would put it-- but the fact that Rodney would in fact accomplish those impossible goals just made it more impressive.

Sliding his hands around to the back of Rodney's neck, John started easing them both toward the bed, one slow step at a time. He was almost too distracted to move. Rodney's hands were skittering all over his torso and back, up and down his arms, his neck, shoulders, hips as if Rodney couldn't decide what to touch first so was trying to touch all of him at once. They only stopped kissing long enough to look at each other in the dimness. The idea of Rodney being silent for very long was almost impossible to imagine, so John's amusement was almost as great as his desire. Rodney's mouth opened and John raised an eyebrow and placed his finger on Rodney's lips. Rodney stuck out his tongue and then bit John's finger almost but not quite hard enough to hurt.

John barely kept from snickering out loud, and decided to tease Rodney just a bit by skimming his hands down to Rodney's sides. His fingers hovered over Rodney's ribs and Rodney's eyes went wide. "Don't you dare," he mouthed silently. John thought about doing it, but decided it wouldn't be very sporting of him, so he wrapped his hands around Rodney's hips and pulled him down on the bed.

He couldn't help the loud huff of breath that escaped when Rodney came down on top of him, but Rodney must have been too distracted to notice because he didn't even meet John's eyes, much less mock him silently with a quirk of his lips. He just buried his face in the crook of John's neck and shoulder, sinking his teeth into John's skin and then licking the indentations left behind. John arched closer, pressing his knees to the outsides of Rodney's thighs and digging his fingers into Rodney's hips to express his pleasure and to urge Rodney to keep going.

Rodney read John perfectly and moved his mouth below where John's collar would be and bit down, sucking hard enough to bruise. As pain-tinged pleasure shot through him, John clamped his mouth shut to keep any sound from escaping and thrust his erection against Rodney's, feeling his heat and hardness even through four layers of clothes. John wanted to be naked and get Rodney naked right now. Nownownow.

Grappling clumsily with both his pants and Rodney's at the same time, John didn't make much progress but he did make Rodney jerk his head up and look at him with a pained expression, his lips flushed and wet. John grinned and gave Rodney's cock a firm squeeze through his pants. Rodney's mouth fell open and his gaze went a little hazy, and stayed that way when John pushed his T-shirt up and pulled it off over his head.

Now that Rodney wasn't driving John crazy with his mouth--and wasn't that how it usually went, in bed or out--John found himself calming down enough to get first Rodney's pants open and then his own. When he slid his hands inside Rodney's pants and slowly shoved them and his boxers down, Rodney got back in the game, kissing John slowly and thoroughly, exactly the way John liked and seldom got from their usual hurried encounters. John absently wondered if they'd have gotten themselves an actual relationship a lot sooner if they'd ever just taken the time. John thought he'd been holding back, but if they'd ever slowed down like this, he probably wouldn't have been able to hold back anything at all. His hands moving languidly over Rodney's body, warm skin pressing against his chest and belly, the soft hair on Rodney's chest tangling with his own, and Rodney's mouth and tongue always touching and tasting and exploring...John wondered how he'd thought they could ever only be anything other than what they were right now. He couldn't put a name to it. He shied away from even trying. But he knew somewhere deep inside that everything had changed between them. He didn't know how, or even if Rodney was aware of it yet, but the truth of the moment weighed heavily on him. And it didn't feel bad at all.

John rested his hands on Rodney's ass for a long moment, just enjoying the firm curves beneath his fingers, before arching up to shove their cocks together. Sensation exploded through his groin and up his spine, and he wanted it to last forever even though he was almost shaking with need. John wrapped his legs around Rodney's thighs and rocked them together until the bed started to creak. He wished he was on top, that the bed was wide enough that he could flip Rodney over so John could climb on and ride him, hard and fast and getting them both where they wanted to be, but all he could do was pull Rodney tight against him and work his hips until Rodney got the message.

Rodney pressed his face to the side of John's head and John could feel Rodney's teeth digging into his bottom lip as he thrust down, rubbing off against John. Still miraculously silent, Rodney came with a full-body shudder that just ratcheted John's arousal to the breaking point and a minute later he tossed his head back and came hard against Rodney's belly, the stunning release of both physical pressure and emotional tension almost drowning out the wave of pleasure that swept through him.

Rodney slumped down beside John and laid one hand on John's chest, his fingers spread out over John's heart. John patted it clumsily and then just let his hand rest on top of Rodney's, suddenly too tired to think very closely about the unusual level of affection inherent in the gesture.

After a few moments, John turned his head to see that Rodney was sound asleep, even though he was nearly hanging off the narrow edge of the bed. John scooted over until he was right on the edge of his side and then tugged Rodney closer so he wouldn't fall off in the middle of the night. The bed was still too crowded to be truly comfortable, but John fell asleep with a smile on his face anyway.

 

***

John woke up around two a.m. to three things happening almost simultaneously: Brandon started crying, all the lights in the room came on, and Rodney sat up in bed and said, "What? What is it? What's wrong now?"

John rubbed his face and sat up. He mentally suggested to the room that the lights didn't need to be quite so bright, and they dimmed enough so as not to blind him completely when he uncovered his eyes. "Go back to sleep, it's just the baby."

Brandon's cries were growing louder, and Rodney gave John a horrified look. "Are you insane? I can't sleep through this."

"Suit yourself," John said with a shrug and changed Brandon's wet diaper before getting dressed to take him across the hall. Just before John left his quarters, he stopped at the doorway but didn't turn to look at Rodney as he said, "If you want to go back to your own quarters, I won't take it personally." But in a way, he thought he might take it just a little personally. He wanted to keep Brandon, but he wanted to keep Rodney too. This was a good test of whether that would be possible, and if he were honest with himself, he expected to fail and he expected it to hurt like hell until he shoved Rodney back in the box. That was assuming he could even get Rodney back in the box at this point.

Instead of going back to his room, John stood around just inside the door of Mata's quarters with his hands on his hips while she nursed Brandon. He took in the changes Mata had made with some interest. With its colorful pillows and rugs and softly scented candles, the room was taking on more of her personality and looking less like Atlantis. He caught Mata watching him, and he wasn't sure if it was rude for him to be so openly curious about her stuff, so he crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the floor until she quietly told him she was done.

He took the drowsy baby in his arms without making eye contact with Mata. He whispered his thanks and then left before she could ask why he was acting weird.

John went back into his quarters and stopped dead in the middle of the floor. Rodney was still in the bed and his eyes cracked open just a bit when the doors closed quietly behind John. "So, is just standing there part of your nightly routine too? Because I have to say it's not making much sense."

John shook his head as he put Brandon back in his crate. Climbing into the narrow space Rodney had left him, he snugged up to Rodney's side and tilted his head onto Rodney's shoulder, relieved beyond belief. "Didn't expect you to be here," he whispered with a tired sigh.

"You want me to leave?" The words were barely audible and John appreciated the effort Rodney was making not to wake Brandon, even though the question was almost laughable.

"No."

"I can't promise I'll stay every time."

"Yeah, I know." And John really did. Rodney wasn't the one who went out and got himself stuck in a time dilation field and got so depressed by being abandoned that he slept with the first woman who offered--okay, the only woman who offered, and even that had taken six months. At the time, John hadn't been thinking clearly enough to consider the risk he was taking, and maybe, just maybe, he'd wanted to prove something to himself. Prove how much control he had over his feelings for Rodney, to reassure himself that he, John, was worth being wanted by a pretty young woman. Maybe he just wanted to prove to himself that he could do it, that he could give this girl what she wanted, could be what she thought he was, that he didn't need Rodney and the rest of Atlantis. But in the end, of course, he chose Rodney and Atlantis over ascension with Teer, and even with the surprising curve ball that Brandon's arrival had thrown him, John would never regret that choice.

"So does this mean you want me to come over more often?" Rodney's voice was so quiet and John was so lost in his thoughts he almost missed what Rodney was saying, but then he caught on.

He turned his head slightly to look at Rodney's wide vulnerable eyes and nodded slowly. He licked his lips and swallowed. "As often as you want."

Rodney blinked and a pleased grin spread slowly across his mouth. He slid one hand over John's hip to settle on his waist. "I've been thinking about it. You and me. Like how there ought to be more of a you and me. Not all the time, just, you know, sometimes."

John smiled and put his hand over Rodney's. "Yeah, me too. Sometimes. Usually when we go too long without seeing each other and everything feels just a little off."

"Wow."

"Yeah." John looked away sheepishly, thinking he'd probably said too much. "We should get some sleep. He'll be up again before you know it."

Rodney nodded and closed his eyes, his hand tightening on John's side just a little before he relaxed into sleep. John lay awake for a little while longer, savoring both the silence and the feel of Rodney next to him.

***

The next time John woke up, the room had a soft nightlight glow and Brandon was making the fussing noises that meant he'd be crying pretty soon. It was a nice break from waking up to a full-on wail as had usually been the case so far. John peeled himself away from Rodney's side and pulled on a pair of boxers he picked up off the floor, discovering too late that they were actually Rodney's. He left them on anyway.

As soon as John got up, Rodney flopped over onto his stomach and shoved his head under the pillow. John pulled the sheet up over Rodney's naked ass, not because he didn't want to _see_ Rodney's naked ass but because it seemed to be the thing to do. He should probably be disturbed that he'd had sex with a baby in the room, but he figured Brandon was too young to be affected much even if he hadn't slept through the whole thing. He'd have to worry about that some other time, because right now he had a hungry baby to deal with. A quick diaper change and a hastily jerked on t-shirt and pants, and John was out the door delivering Brandon to Mata.

"Good morning, Colonel Sheppard," Mata said as she took Brandon from him. "I hope you got some sleep last night."

"Uh." John closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Yeah, about that. Could you keep him after you're done feeding him? I know I'm supposed to get him cleaned up and dressed, but just this once? I promise to pick him up early this afternoon to make up for it."

Mata stood and stared at him for a moment and John felt a flush creeping over his neck and cheeks. Discomfort almost made him take back his request, but then she nodded. "May I ask a favor in return? Will you watch Derra for an hour this evening in return?"

"Okay, if you trust me to watch her, I'll be happy to do it." Fearing that sounded too enthusiastic, he then added, "Just for one hour, right?"

Mata laughed gently at him. "That will be enough."

"Thank you, Mata." John hurried back across the corridor and let himself into his quarters.

The bed was empty, and John stood there for a moment wondering if Rodney had managed to leave without John seeing, but then Rodney stuck his head out the bathroom door. "If you're showering with me, you'd better get moving. I'm a very busy man, you know. I don't have all day." When John just looked at him with a raised eyebrow, Rodney frowned. "I mean, if it's all right with you. I thought since you stole my underwear you wouldn't mind too much if I used your shower."

"That was an accident." John grinned and started stripping his clothes off as he walked toward Rodney. "And to show you what a nice guy I am, you can borrow some of mine. Unless you wanna drive me crazy by going commando for the rest of the day."

"I...I..." Rodney stuttered, and John took pity on him and kissed him, so he had an excuse not to talk for a minute or two. Okay, more like four or five, because Rodney had already brushed his teeth and didn't seem to mind much that John hadn't, so John couldn't stop at just one kiss. When he pulled back, Rodney blinked and licked his lips. "Oh, hey, good morning."

John pulled Rodney into the shower, turned on the water, and laughed when it took Rodney a good five minutes to start complaining about the temperature of the water being too high. Then John slid to his knees and took Rodney's erection in his mouth, and Rodney had no complaints whatsoever.

***

John spent the rest of the morning training jumper pilots, and had just sat down to lunch with Ronon when Elizabeth and Rodney came into the mess hall, completely absorbed in whatever conversation they were having. They both grabbed trays of food, not slowing down their conversation until they sat down at the table with John and Ronon. Rodney looked at John with a manic gleam in his eyes that made John get half-hard even before Rodney said, "Elizabeth has finished her translation, and I was wrong. The panels don't tell us how to find a ZPM."

"And that's good...why?"

"They tell us where to find--right here in the Ancient databases of Atlantis--how to construct ZPMs of our own."

"Okay, that is good," John agreed with a grin. "But why would they do that?"

"Good? It's extraordinary! And who knows why Ancients do anything?" Rodney shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, and almost finished chewing before speaking again. "It will take us some time, of course, to find the instructions and figure out how to adapt the materials we have or can acquire, and then to actually build the ZPMs."

"I'm afraid that means offworld missions will have to be cut back while Rodney devotes most of his time to this," Elizabeth said. "At least while the project gets under way."

John and Ronon exchanged looks of impending doom. The boredom would be crushing. Elizabeth must have noticed because she laughed gently. "Not completely cancelled, John. You might want to have someone else from the science team to fill in for Rodney for awhile."

John hated that idea without even taking the time to think about it, and he could tell Rodney wasn't too thrilled either. "We'll figure something out," he said noncommittally, and Rodney looked at him with a small smile of relief.

***

After taking himself off-duty, John strolled through the corridors on his way to pick up Brandon early. He nodded at Lorne as he approached him, then stopped when Lorne called out to him. "What's up, Major?"

"I know that I don't have to clear personal matters with you, but I...uh." John waited patiently for Lorne to get to the point. "I want to make sure that you don't have a problem. With me and Mata seeing each other?"

John was tempted to laugh in Lorne's face, but the man just seemed so _earnest_ , and John did care about how Mata was treated while she lived in the city, so he answered with all the gravity he could. "Are your intentions honorable, Major Lorne?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, I trust you will treat her with respect."

"Of course, I will, sir," Lorne said, nodding to reinforce his agreement.

John still felt like laughing at him, but just nodded back and said, "Dismissed."

"Thank you, sir." Lorne grinned before hurrying off to wherever he'd been headed in the first place.

John shook his head and continued on to Mata's quarters, where she opened the door and invited him inside. "So, you and Lorne, huh?" John asked as he held out his arms for his son.

"Perhaps. It is only the beginning," Mata said with a shrug. "Who knows where it will go?"

"That's probably a healthy attitude to have." John settled Brandon in his arms and hesitated for a moment. With an inward shrug he decided to say what he was thinking anyway. "Lorne's a good guy, but if you have any trouble, you just let me know, okay?"

"I appreciate that, Colonel." Mata looked as if she might say more, but her daughter demanded her attention. As she hurried over to see what was wrong, she said quickly, "I will drop Derra off after Brandon's next feeding, around six o'clock. You promised one hour, remember?"

"I remember." John gave them both a little wave and took Brandon home to their own quarters.

***

By six-thirty, John was feeling desperate enough to call Rodney on a private radio frequency and demand he come and help before John lost his mind. He'd thought he was pretty good with kids, but Derra was apparently too young to get his jokes and all his attempts at conversation fell flat.

"Colonel, I am highly skilled in a great many areas, but childcare is not one of them. I happen to be very busy at the moment with extremely important ZPM research. Call Lieutenant Cadman. She appears to enjoy spending time with rugrats. Or if you want to be evil, you could ask Zelenka."

"While I enjoy being evil as much as the next guy, Rodney, I need _actual_ help here." John dangled his dog tags in front of Derra who looked at him like he was stupid then started crying again even louder. Her upset made Brandon cry, whether in sympathy or in competition, John didn't know.

"Then call Cadman, so I can get back to work." Rodney paused, then said, "This is a private frequency, right?"

"Yes, I'd rather not have the entire city know that a baby and a toddler are draining my will to live."

"Just checking before I ask if you want me to come over tonight."

"No," John said, a little spitefully. He was tired, damn it. "Maybe tomorrow night."

"Yeah. Well, I guess I should get back to work." And with that, Rodney was gone and John was irritated. It was irrational irritation, because the crying kids weren't Rodney's fault, but John was in no mood to be understanding or forgiving.

He called Cadman and told her he wanted to take her up on her offer to babysit, and she was at his door in less than two minutes. He timed it. John tapped the panel by the door so that the door would stay open--no way was he having a woman under his command in his quarters with the door shut--and motioned her inside. "Thanks for coming on such short notice, Lieutenant."

"No problem, sir." Cadman swooped in and picked up Derra and had the little girl quieting down almost immediately. "Oh, what's wrong, sweetie?"

Derra babbled in baby talk and Cadman nodded sympathetically as if she understood, and hell, for all John knew, maybe she did. Maybe women had some sort of built-in infant to adult translator. He left her to it and laid Brandon on the bed and started to change his diaper.

"You're pretty good at that, sir," Cadman said with an almost obnoxious grin that sort of reminded John of Rodney.

"Well, Lieutenant, it's like explosives." John deftly kept the edge of the diaper covering Brandon's penis at all times, as he slipped the clean diaper under him. He'd picked up that skill after being peed on twice. "When you're dealing with something that can go off in your face, you get good at it pretty damn quick or you don't last long."

Cadman looked like she was going to ask, but then she just grinned at him again. "If I ever have children, I hope they're girls."

"I'm sure those have their own challenges." John finished the diaper and picked up the now-happy baby. "I don't want to find out."

"Aw, sir, don't you want to give Brandon some brothers and sisters some day?" John looked at her with unmasked horror, and she laughed. "I guess not, then."

"What? You're not going to tell me how terrible Atlantis is for raising children?" He left the 'like everyone else has' off, but it was strongly implied.

"Well, you won't always live in--"

"I'm planning on it." John interrupted.

"Oh. Well. Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Since when have you ever needed permission to say anything, Lieutenant?"

"Since I'm about to disagree with the people in command."

John thought about telling her that as her commanding officer his was the only opinion she had to worry about, but he couldn't even convince himself that was true, so there was no way she'd buy it either. Instead he shifted Brandon to a more comfortable position in his arms and nodded. "Okay, let me hear this radical opinion."

"Atlantis is a city." John raised an eyebrow and waited for her to go on. "Yeah, that's obvious, I know, but think about what that implies, sir." She flashed him a grin but then went on with a measure of the same earnestness he'd just seen in Major Lorne. "This was a place where people lived. Yeah, they fought a war and so are we, but that's not all there is to life. Is it really so crazy to think that one day, families might live here? That some of us may want to get ma--form partnerships and have children?"

"Is this about you and Dr. Beckett?" John asked, but he was thinking about what she'd said. It wasn't so different from some of the thoughts he'd been having since the baby's arrival. Sure, it was ill-timed, but didn't they--whoever 'they' were--say that if you waited for the perfect time to have a kid you'd never have one? He was pretty sure he'd heard that before. And really, it wasn't so bad so far, as long as he didn't think too far into the future. The prospects of teething and potty training and puberty and all kinds of things he probably didn't even know about yet were almost enough to make him want to send Brandon to Earth as soon as possible.

Except that he couldn't do that. And once he tamped down the fear, he didn't even want to do it.

"No, sir, it's not." John glanced up from where he'd been staring down at Brandon lost in his own thoughts, and it must have been obvious he was lost because Cadman sighed. "It's not about me and Carson. Well, I guess it might be, some day if we get to that point. But I meant, you know, the expedition _in general_."

"Ah." John smiled slightly. "It's possible that Atlantis could become a viable city someday, but I don't know, Lieutenant. We've got a pretty big fight ahead of us before that'll be possible."

"Yes, sir. But it's something to keep in mind while we're fighting. Don't you think?"

John was saved from answering by Mata and Lorne knocking on the doorframe. Although they were standing a few feet apart already and the door had been open the entire time, John took a couple of hasty steps back from Cadman and said, "The lieutenant was helping with the kids. That's all."

Lorne nodded and Mata looked at both John and Lorne as if neither of them made any sense to her. Then she smiled and took her little girl from Cadman's arms. They chatted about how pretty Derra was and how Laura liked kids and how she was welcome to stop by and see Mata anytime, until John gave Lorne a desperate look and tilted his head toward the door.

"Hey, why don't we take Derra home now, Mata?" Lorne hooked an arm around Mata waist and started edging her toward the hallway. "She's looking pretty sleepy, and I'm sure Lieutenant Cadman has other things to do."

And in just a moment, John was alone with his son again, trying to imagine a future in which Atlantis resembled a real city with families and schools and more _life_ in it. It was a little scary but also kind of hopeful.

***

John didn't see Rodney until the next day when he went to dinner with Brandon strapped to his chest. They were both starting to get the hang of it now and John was a lot less tense, which seemed to make the baby more relaxed as well. Sitting in comfortable silence with Teyla, John lingered over a cup of coffee and a piece of pie made from something remarkably close to strawberries, and didn't even mind that people kept stopping by to have a look at Brandon.

He'd just swallowed the last bite of pie when Rodney came in, loaded up a tray, and took the seat that Dr. Biro had just abandoned. He looked up at the woman walking away and shook his head. "I would never have taken Biro for a baby person."

"She wants to do more tests on him," John said, drinking the last of his coffee.

"You're not going to let her dissect him, are you?" Rodney demanded and then caught himself. "Oh, what am I saying? Of course you're not."

"Are you in favor or against?" John asked idly, toying with his fork.

"Colonel Sheppard," Teyla said in a warning tone, but when John looked over she was smiling just a little. "I don't believe Dr. McKay would ever let harm come to your child."

"Of course, I wouldn't. I may have implied that I'm not fond of children--" Teyla snorted delicately and John smiled. Rodney rolled his eyes at them. "Yeah, okay, I'm not going to be hosting Romper Room any time soon, but I would never knowingly let someone hurt a child. Especially yours."

John didn't know what to say for a moment. That was very nearly a public declaration of their relationship, and it touched him in a way that was almost unexpected. He was saved from answering for the moment by Teyla, who said, "What is a Romper Room?"

"It's a TV show for little kids," John explained, turning toward Teyla to answer but keeping his eyes on Rodney the whole time. "Or it was when we were little. I don't know if it's still on."

"I see." She pushed her chair back and picked up her tray. "I must meet with Dr. Weir soon. If you will excuse me."

"Sure. I'll see you at the gym first thing in the morning, right?" John asked.

"Be prepared to work hard. I believe you have been 'slacking' lately."

"You need to stop hanging out with Cadman. That woman is a bad influence," Rodney said and took a huge bite of his sandwich.

"I am learning much about Earth culture. Some of it is...quite interesting," Teyla said with a tilt of her head and a teasing smile.

"Like I said, bad influence."

John shook his head at both of them, and then swallowed the last of his coffee as Teyla left and Rodney went back to eating. John slumped back in his seat and said, "You should try the pie. It's much better than the cake they tried last time."

Rodney nodded and took another bite, chewed thoroughly, swallowed, and looked around nervously before speaking again. "I meant it, you know."

"I know. And I appreciate it. I don't think we really have to worry about Dr. Biro's intentions, though."

"That's what they said about Dr. Mengele."

"Who did?"

"Someone must have. Anyway..." Rodney took a gulp of water and then set his glass down carefully. He stared at the back of Brandon's head, which was all that was visible to him for a moment, then abruptly said, "I saw you last night. I came by on my way to my quarters, and I took the liberty of opening the door to see if you were still awake. I would have knocked but I didn't want to disturb him. Or you, if you were in fact sleeping."

John just stared at him. He didn't remember seeing or hearing Rodney stop by the night before. But then he'd practically passed out when he'd finally gotten Brandon to go to sleep.

"My consideration was fortunate since you and he were lying on the bed together sound asleep. He looked peaceful and you looked...nervous. You were kind of curled around him, keeping him safe with your entire body." Rodney's mouth tilted down into a thoughtful frown and his gaze shifted from John to Brandon and back again. "I think... I think you'll be good at this. You'll never make him feel like he isn't wanted. Right?"

"I will never do that. You have my word." And at that moment, John really didn't care who might be watching because he needed this connection. He reached out and stroked the back of Rodney's hand, deeply touched at Rodney's faith in him. Rodney looked a little embarrassed by all the blatant emotionalism, so John casually drew his hand away and rested it on Brandon's back as he changed the subject.

"So, how's the ZPM research going?"

Rodney lit up with both relief and excitement and started telling John all about it in excruciating detail. John only understood about half of it, but he listened attentively anyway, charmed by Rodney's buoyant enthusiasm for his subject and his ambitious plans for the first ZPM they would manufacture all on their own. Later John planned to turn all that energy in a different direction, to both of their benefits.

***

The next few weeks were uneventful, until John came back from M9H-299 with a sprained right wrist. He was in the infirmary getting it wrapped when Rodney came looking for him. He took one look at John sitting on the exam table and threw his hands in the air. "What happened to you? Is it broken? It was Corrigan's fault, wasn't it? See, I told you and Elizabeth both that--"

"Rodney, please," said Beckett, finishing off the elastic bandage. "I'll go get you some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling, Colonel."

"It wasn't Dr. Corrigan's fault. It was nobody's fault, so just calm down," John said in a soothing voice, once Beckett was gone. His wrist really hurt and he wasn't in the mood for a round of I Told You So, but nothing good would come of saying anything but what Rodney wanted to hear right now. "I'm fine. It's just a sprain. It's no big deal."

"Oh," Rodney said, not looking particularly soothed or calm. "Well, what happened?"

John sighed at the question he'd been dreading, but he had to answer some time. "I fell out of a tree."

"You fell out of a _tree_? Why did you climb a tree in the first place?"

"To get away from a wolverine."

"And you didn't shoot it because...?"

"I wasn't allowed to. Teyla said it would upset the natives."

"Oh how silly of me. Of _course_ the wolverine was sacred." Rodney rolled his eyes and moved closer to John's side. "Does it hurt?"

"A little." John tilted his head and looked up at Rodney with big pitiful eyes.

"Oh, don't even." But Rodney stroked his fingers lightly over John's arm above the bandage anyway. "Why did you fall out of the tree?"

"It was already occupied by a small but vicious monkey-like thing. And before you ask what happened to the wolverine, I fell on it."

Rodney opened his mouth then closed it again. After a moment, he tried again. "Did you kill it?"

"Yeah. And oddly enough, that didn't bother the natives at all. They thought it was the will of the gods."

"What? The monkey gods?" Rodney dropped his hand from John's arm, but didn't move away when Beckett came back. John took particular notice at the complete lack of reaction from Beckett, and realized that Rodney in his personal space was a completely normal thing by now, not noteworthy at all.

"Here you go, Colonel. You know the drill quite well already, I'm sure." Beckett handed over the small bottle of pills and motioned toward the door. "You're free to go. Come back tomorrow and let me take a look, but it should be fine in a few days."

"Thanks, Carson," said John, slipping the pills in his pocket. He stepped down from the table more slowly and carefully than usual because soreness was setting in all over his body.

A few minutes later in his quarters, John gave Rodney the pitiful look again and held his arms out to his sides. "A little help here?"

"You smell really horrible, you know," Rodney said conversationally, unfastening John's vest and draping it over the back of the chair.

"It's the wolverine guts." John unfastened his pants with his good hand and then let Rodney carefully pull his T-shirt off.

"I'm not sure these pants will ever be clean again." Rodney knelt and untied John's boots, steadying him as he lifted each foot for them to be removed.

"They will. They've had worse." Rodney glanced up and John shrugged, immediately wishing he hadn't when a twinge of pain went through his entire right shoulder. "Well, they have. Nothing is nastier than exploded Wraith goo."

"Excellent point." Rodney pulled John's pants down and off, then looked at his arm. "I can wrap that again for you if you want to take a shower."

"Oh _yes_ , please." John didn't think there was anything odd about the way he'd answered until Rodney closed his eyes and his mouth crumpled as if he was the one in pain.

"Okay, okay, if we're going to get through this you need to stop making sex noises. It's bad enough that you're naked and I have to get back to the lab. Don't make it worse with sex noises."

Despite the pain and general discomfort he was in, John smiled. "I didn't mean to, but now that you mention it, we have the room to ourselves and I am naked."

"And smelling of wolverine guts." Rodney took the bandage off John's arm and pushed him gently toward the bathroom. "Into the shower now."

"You want to join me?"

"No, I don't need to be boiled alive right now, thank you. If you think you'll be okay for a few minutes, I'm going to take your clothes to the laundry so they don't stink up the place too badly."

"I'll be fine. I can probably get myself dressed without help too, if you want to get back to work."

John had been out of the shower less than two minutes when Rodney came back in. "You're still naked."

"But I smell better," John said, as he continued taking out clean clothes to put on.

Rodney crossed the room with an intent look on his face, and John realized that Rodney was staring at the big bruise forming on John's hip. His knee had taken a good whack too and he was surprised he could walk without limping, but tomorrow he'd feel much worse.

Rodney reached out and pushed John's towel away. He laid his fingertips on the bruise, careful not to put any pressure on it, then he circled around John and lightly touched a few more bruises. He skimmed his fingers over a long scrape on John's left arm and then pressed his lips to John's mouth when John started to say something. Rodney kissed as carefully and as gently as he'd touched, but John wasn't fragile so he kissed back hard, with passion and fire, biting at Rodney's mouth as he ripped at the buttons on Rodney's pants.

Rodney mumbled something against John's mouth, but it didn't sound like stop, so he thrust his uninjured hand inside Rodney's boxers and squeezed his cock just as Rodney curled his fingers around John's erection with one hand and started shoving his own pants out of the way with the other.

And then they were jacking each other off, fast and rough, mouths crashing together and then parting, over and over until Rodney pressed his open mouth to John's neck and shuddered hard as he came over John's hand. His own hand stilled for a moment, and then he went back to pumping his fist until John came with a gasp, his head resting on Rodney's shoulder. They stood there for a moment, until John started swaying on his feet. He'd been sore and tired before, but now he was completely spent.

Rodney pushed John toward the bed and reached down to grab the damp towel from the floor where it had fallen. He wiped them both off and fixed his clothes, then handed John a pair of clean boxers. "Why don't you put these on and lie down for a while. Take a nap while Mata still has Brandon."

John pulled the boxers on and got up to get his pants, but Rodney just pushed him back down on the bed and started rewrapping his wrist. "Really, John, take advantage of the quiet to get some rest."

"I have a debriefing with Elizabeth."

"Teyla and Ronon can handle that. And Corrigan if he's not completely useless." Rodney finished the bandage and stepped back to admire his handiwork. It wasn't as good as Beckett's of course, but John could see that Rodney knew what he was doing. "You can always meet with Elizabeth later."

"Okay, fine, I'll rest." John swung his legs up on the bed and laid his head on the pillow. "See?"

"Yes, and try not to get right back up the very second I walk out the door, huh?" Rodney put away the clean uniform that John had gotten out and headed for the door. "I'll bring you some dinner, if you're not already in the mess hall when I get there."

"You know me too well, Rodney." John grinned and waggled his fingers goodbye.

"Yes," Rodney sighed, and then the door closed behind him.

***

John actually did fall asleep but was wide awake twenty minutes later, so he got dressed and went to meet with Elizabeth. Teyla had pretty much covered everything, so John added what little he could and signed off on the mission. Elizabeth tried to bring up Brandon again, but John managed to avoid talking about it. He figured if he just kept dodging the subject long enough, either she'd give up or Brandon would be old enough to make his own decision on where to live--with John, of course, but still it would be more than just John's desires at stake and he knew Elizabeth well enough to guess that she wouldn't be able to say no directly to Brandon's face.

Picking up Brandon from Mata took much longer because Mata was not as used to seeing John injured as Elizabeth was and John hadn't gotten as good at ignoring her. She pulled him into her quarters, made him a cup of tea, and cooed over him in a way that would have made him extremely uncomfortable if he hadn't known that she was seeing Major Lorne.

"Are you sure you would not like me to keep him overnight?" Mata asked as John finally grabbed Brandon and made a break for the door. "If you are too injured to take care of him--"

"We'll be fine," John said, easing out into the corridor while cradling Brandon in his good arm.

"If Dr. McKay does not help you, please bring him to me."

"McKay?"

"Brandon." Mata smiled and the door shut, leaving John standing in the hallway wondering how she knew about Rodney. First Ronon, then Beckett and now Mata. John was beginning to wonder if there was anyone who didn't know about the two of them. He'd seen the looks Teyla gave them both, so count her in as well. It wasn't a problem yet, so he wouldn't worry about it until it became one.

Rodney brought dinner for the both of them, and they ate it at John's desk with an extra chair pulled up. It was crowded but cozy, and Brandon let them get all the way through dessert before crying. All the lights brightened as they usually did, and Rodney looked at the baby thoughtfully.

"You know, we really should do some tests to see exactly what he's capable of."

"He's only a couple months old at the most, Rodney. He's capable of rolling over and that's about it."

"When he's older then."

"Sure, when he's older, we'll see." John had checked to see if Brandon was wet, and so now he got a clean diaper out. When he started to move the baby from his crate to the bed, he gasped as his wrist throbbed with pain. The ibuprofen he'd taken a few hours ago had obviously worn off already.

"What's wrong?" Rodney asked, jumping to his feet. "Do you need help?"

"Yeah, could you lift him out for me?" John moved out of the way so that Rodney could gingerly pick the crying baby up and move him at arm's length to the bed. "Actually, now might be a good time for you to learn how to change a diaper."

"Me? No, I don't think so. That's what mothers and nannies are for."

"I do it."

"Well, he's yours. Of course you do." Rodney wore a hunted look now and John was trying hard not to laugh.

"Look, I'll talk you through it. It's not exactly rocket science."

"It'd be better if it was because, hello, I _am_ a rocket scientist!"

John cradled his sprained wrist in his other hand and just stared at Rodney until he finally sighed loudly. "Fine. Anything to make him stop wailing like that."

"You're all heart, Rodney. You really are."

"Just shut up and tell me what to do."

Not pointing out the impossibility of doing both at once, John smiled and led him through the intricacies of working an Athosian diaper, and when Brandon was all nice and dry and quiet, he pointed to his good arm. "Slip him right in there."

Rodney picked Brandon up again and settled him against John's chest, then stepped back and smiled. "Well, I've changed my first diaper and nothing too horrible happened."

"We knew you could do it," John looked down at Brandon and grinned, "didn't we? We know he's just gotta fuss a bit first. Hey, you guys have that in common."

"Oh, very funny," said Rodney huffily, but when John looked up he saw that Rodney was still smiling.

"I don't suppose you could stay over tonight and take him to Mata when he wakes up for his feedings?"

Rodney glanced over at John's narrow bed and then sighed. "Yes, but it might be better if I--and believe me when I say I can't believe I'm suggesting this--it might be better for me to sleep on the floor. You're too banged up to be sharing that torturously narrow bed with someone else."

"I know just the thing." John handed Brandon back to Rodney and slipped his dog tags off. "Here, he likes to play with these. I'll be right back."

"You're leaving me with him? Have you lost your mind?" Rodney followed John to the door and across the hall to Mata's quarters. "What are you doing? Get back over here and take him."

When Mata opened the door, she took one look at Rodney's face and snickered quietly for a moment before turning to John. "Yes?"

"Could we please borrow one of your rugs for the night? I promise to bring it back first thing in the morning."

"Yes, you are welcome to any one you like," Mata said, with a wave of her hand. She was not looking at Rodney now but her mouth kept curving into a smile.

John went over and picked up the corner of the first one he saw that seemed pretty thick, then dragged it out the door. "Thank you."

"You are quite welcome," said Mata with a nod as her door swished shut again.

John pulled the rug into his room and found a clear spot on the floor next to the bed. "There you go. I'm sure it'll be real comfy with your own pillows and blankets."

"Comfy," Rodney said with a sigh. But he went and got his pillows and blankets anyway. It was the best night of sleep John had gotten since Brandon's arrival.

***

After his wrist got better, John went to work during the day, went on a few offworld missions with a variety of scientists accompanying his team--and he'd be so glad when Rodney was back on the team full time-- and spent his evenings with Brandon and Rodney. He started looking for new quarters whenever he got a chance, because while Brandon still didn't take up much room, Rodney took up a lot. More and more of his stuff was migrating to John's quarters, and it was getting crowded. John just knew the Ancients had some bigger beds somewhere in the city, and he desperately wanted one.

"Hey, Rodney, come take a look at this one," John called over his shoulder, tapping his laptop mouse to get the floor plan diagram to expand a little. "I think you'll even like the location. It's near the infirmary."

When Rodney didn't say anything or come to look, John turned around to see Rodney reaching into Brandon's crate and lifting him out. John stared wide eyed while his stomach tightened in a way that was not at all unpleasant. Rodney bounced Brandon gently in his arms and didn't even hand him off to John when he started crying. He laid the baby on the bed and, with an extremely displeased expression on his face, he awkwardly changed his diaper. He finally glanced up and noticed John watching him.

"What? He was starting to fuss." Rodney picked Brandon up again and held him out in front of him. "There, you're all dry now." Rodney thought baby talk was insulting to everyone involved, so he refused to do it. He spoke to Brandon exactly like he spoke to anyone else, except perhaps not as loudly. "What else do you want?"

Brandon just kicked his feet and waved his arms until Rodney pulled him close and cuddled him against his shoulder. Rodney walked over to the desk and leaned down to look at the suite John had found, but John had forgotten about living quarters. He realized he was grinning goofily at Rodney when Rodney turned his head and said, "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Nothing," John said and kept grinning.

"You're not ill, are you? Or drugged?"

"No." John turned back to the computer and started pointing out the features of the latest possible quarters--including a huge bed in one room and a smaller bed in another. However, one corner of his mind was thinking about how fortunate he was. When Rodney smiled and said this one looked very promising, John turned to face him. "You will move in with us, right?" Such a thought would never have occurred to him on Earth, but way out here in Pegasus, it seemed possible. Dr. Weir would probably give them no trouble, and the military regs could be dealt with somehow. "I mean, completely, not like this." He waved a hand at Rodney's laptop and a pile of his books teetering on one corner of the desk.

"I...um...Are you sure?" John nodded and stood up so that they were eye to eye. Rodney looked from John to Brandon and back again. "Yes, okay, yes, I will."

John wrapped his arms around Rodney's waist and leaned in just enough to kiss him without crushing the baby. Then he turned and pressed a kiss to the back of Brandon's head. He realized that he was, possibly for the first time since his parents died, loved unconditionally, and that made him happier than he'd thought he was capable of.

 

The end.


End file.
